Teaching Tommy

How Does My Kid's Brain Work??

2010-09-03T22:12:00.000-04:00

In trying to set up a collection of homeschool goals, I needed to consider my child's strengths and weaknesses.

It sounds easy, doesn't it?

He's good at reading, but not so good at math. He's good at music, but not so good at handwriting.

But then it gets tricky. And then it gets trickier.

For example... He can grasp an author's style to the degree that he can, for example, write a novel story that sounds eerily like the work of Rudyard Kipling. Yet he can't define the main idea of the same story, and then tell you a few details. What's more, his grammar and punctuation are atrocious.

He can play clarinet at the level of an advanced high school student if he hears and repeats it, yet he can't quite grasp the nuances of reading the notes on the staff. He loves band camp where he spends five hours a day practicing, yet moans if I ask him to spend ten minutes on the clarinet.

He loves fine art, and can talk at length about the works of Monet, Van Gogh and Picasso. Yet he can tell you nothing about the period during which the artists lived, nor can he accurately explain the difference between France, Holland and Spain.

What's he good at? Where are his challenges? As a linear thinker myself, I am finding it incredibly hard to develop a meaningful answer. He's a good writer and a rotten writer... a fine musician - or not. A knowledgeable young man or an ignorant kid.

He's all of the above.

OK, then. Time to write some goals!

Tech Tools for Teaching a Kid with Executive Functioning Problems

2010-08-28T08:05:00.000-04:00

Tom doesn't really work well independently. He'll do what I ask - at least the first portion - but if he gets stuck or finishes a part of the process, he just.... stops. What that means is that I wind up at his elbow, saying things like "okay, what's next?" or "do you have a question?"

The TimeTimer visual clock

Often I have to go farther to prompt him with directions such as "why don't you look at the next question on the page?" or "you've written the answer, but now you need to read it out loud to figure out where the commas, periods and capital letters go." Even when we have a written list of "what to do," it can be hard for him.

The truth is, he's capable of continuing on his own. And with only the merest nudge, he does a reasonable job of proofing and correcting his writing, finishing the project, etc. In fact, Tom actually enjoys writing and doesn't dislike reading, math, or practicing his clarinet. The problem is staying on task, and thinking ahead (AKA executive function).

To help him build some independence, I'm looking at software and hardware that might provide the prompts and direction he needs - so that neither I nor a future teacher will need to sit at his shoulder to prompt him. So far, I've found some interesting software that actually prompts a writer through the brainstorming, drafting and editing process - but nothing I'm sold on yet.

A few things I'm looking at:

This article from Reading Rockets about assistive technology for learning disabilities
A database called TechMatrix, which lists and reviews assistive technology for learners
A site called ReadWriteThink which includes a whole mess of free, web-based interactives to support a range of projects including 5 para essays, persuasive essays, and more.
Inspiration Software (graphical organizing system - ordered a freebie demo to try out)

I've also bought something called a TimeTimer - a visual clock that, I'm HOPING, will help Tom to think about and organize time - and even stay on task! Tom's SLP (who's also a social skills coach) has used it with him effectively, so I'm thinking it may be a useful tool at home.

Planning for a New Homeschool Year

2010-08-25T09:44:00.000-04:00

It's August, and time to plan for a new homeschooling year for Tom, our now-14-year-old with autism (actually PDD-NOS, or high functioning autism). This will be our fourth year of homeschooling, and chronologically Tom will be entering 8th grade. We're hoping that, after this year, he'll be ready to enter what we understand is a wonderful charter high school - and with that in mind, we plan to focus much more on basic academic and social skills than on content acquisition (even though he'll be immersed in all kinds of content whether he "aquires" it or not!).

Tom as Pharoah!

Being a slightly compulsive planner, I already have most of Tom's program laid out. Like last year, he'll be taking part in two days of small group classes taught by an ex-homeschooling mom who also happens to have a teaching degree and experience in special education. These aren't "special" classes or kids, but the small size of the group combined with the expertise of the teacher make it a good opportunity for Tom. Truth is, I personally wouldn't have chosen the topics for Tom (The American Presidency, for example) since he does poorly with abstractions; in general he does much better with topics that are more limited in scope (like Ancient Egypt or Greek Myths, for example).

Jessica, the homeschool teacher, has offered to work with us on helping Tom reach specific goals. Now "all" I have to do is figure out what the goals are, break them down into objectives, and select objectives that really make sense given the setting, the other kids, and Tom's real capabilities (which are always hard to grab hold of!).

In addition to these Tues/Thurs classes which run from 9-1, here are some of my plans for the year:

Continue with our genius of a math tutor who works with Tom on Sundays (we barter for his time, but have to travel over an hour each way!)
Continue with our genius of a clarinet teacher, who is a whole lot closer (he's a professor at a conservatory, and an absolute jewel of a person)
Continue with the after-school jazz band at the middle school (nervous since the wonderful and experienced band director has retired!)
Continue with our genius of a speech/social skills therapist, who is now helping Tom to interact socially with other kids at about his age and level
Restart tennis at a local tennis school (for reasons I can't understand, Tom seems to love and be reasonably good at tennis)

We're also working on ideas for building Tom's independence and academic skills. With that in mind, we're thinking about -

buying a small laptop and teaching him to take notes using a keyboard (he's been learning to type on Mavis Beacon software, and he's a decent typist)
tapping into Universally Designed software programs intended to prompt learners with LDs and other issues (much more on that soon)
purchasing a "visual clock" that actually counts down so you can see how much time is available (Tom is still really unable to understand the concept of hours and minutes fully, though he's fine with days, weeks, months and years)

Whew! Sound like I'm biting off an awful lot, but since the vast majority of what we're doing is NOT being done by us (mom and dad), the biggest challenges are organization and, of course, cash money to PAY for all this wonderful equipment and programming. Of course some is free, and some we barter for... but with all that, getting a child with autism out of the house and into typical settings with appropriate programs and support isn't the all-time cheapest or easiest road to take!

More coming very soon... meanwhile, any thoughts or questions are welcome!

It's All About Motivation

2010-02-28T08:24:00.001-05:00

Teaching a child with autism takes time. Lots of time.

With Tom, the issue isn't compliance. And it isn't behavior. To some degree I could say that it's about comprehension. But most importantly, it's about motivation.

Tom's happy to go out... or stay in. He's perfectly willing to do a project if we sit next to him and give him direction and support. But almost inevitably, when we step away, he's off in his own head - or back on the couch, flipping through picture books and waiting for his next instructions.

The reality is, there's no good reason for him to actively want to complete a project, read a whole book, or think of and execute something on his own. There are no peers he wants to share things with, and the idea of excelling in something for its own sake hasn't really caught on. Competition doesn't interest him. And as soon as he shows himself capable of doing something on his own (making lunch, taking a shower, and so forth), we immediately expect him to do it every time.

From time to time, we offer bribes for independent work (sometimes called "reinforcers," or "motivators."). But we've found that then the process becomes all about the prize. When we withdraw the prize reward, he's still willing to do the work - but only because we insist, support, and nudge.

I keep hearing how people with HFA and Asperger syndrome are passionately involved in their areas of interest. I see kids on the spectrum who fit this mold. But I'm still working on just how best to help my own child discover his own sense of purpose and direction.

And, meanwhile, I'm working on a skill that's eluded me for a lot of years: patience.

The Frustrations of a Busy Schedule

2010-02-02T08:51:00.004-05:00

We've been busy, Peter and I... and it shows in Tom's homeschooling experience.

When we first got started with homeschooling, I had a steady gig... we had health insurance on the COBRA plan... and there's was plenty of time to create unique study units based on Tom's personal interests.

We explored Cape Cod; took field trips from Bourne to Provincetown.

We went to Boston museums on a regular basis, and checked out many of the homeschooling programs and events offered throughout the whole area.

We used the woods, the lakes and the beach as our classroom... we took on complex art projects and even went on a whale watch.

All that wonderful creative activity has gone up in a puff of smoke, though, as we struggle to keep our financial ducks in a row.

The steady gig disappeared in a budgetary implosion. COBRA dried up. "Guaranteed" markets I'd relied on for years no longer exist... and many "sure thing" gigs suddenly decided the money wasn't available to outsource. It takes most of our time, energy and hard work just to keep the work coming in and going out in a timely manner.

That doesn't mean Tom isn't learning: he certainly is! He's now with a group of homeschoolers twice a week, giving him the opportunity to learn social and collaborative skills (and us the chance to get some work done!). At home, he's working on critical academics: reading comprehension, long-form writing, mathematics, computer skills. And of course there's still music.

But it's not the wonderful, fun, free exploration we started with... and I miss it.

The funny thing is, Tom rarely seems to feel he's missing out. Sure, he'd love to get to the art museum - but it's by no means an obsession. In fact, he seems perfectly happy with our much-more-predictable but much duller day-to-day schedule.

Can't help but wonder whether all the creative, open-ended activity we were doing was more for me than for Tom??

Homeschool and Autism: New Skills for Learning

2010-01-03T15:27:00.006-05:00

According to the mythology, kids with autism are absolutely fanatical about legos, K'nex, computers and video games. Not so Tommy. In the past, he'd stuff his legos into his piggy bank until it was so full that nothing could be removed... or build "contraptions" with bits of legos and string, and carry them around in his pockets.

This Christmas, though, he received the K'Nex Roller Coaster - hundreds of tiny pieces, dozens of pages of diagrams, and an amazing payoff: a working electrical roller coaster. Together with Dad, Tom actually built the thing - and it works! It's a huge step forward for him, and may be - in part - a result of working on hands-on collaborative projects with a homeschool resource center.

In addition to building and experimenting, each member of Tom's homeschool group of 9 kids or so learned about and reported on an explorer. Tom picked Hiram Bingham, discoverer of Macchu Pichu (in Peru). In the photo below he is making his presentation to the group!

Our next challenges are biggies. We're taking on executive functioning skills, social interactions, and reading comprehension on a higher level (beyond who, what, where and when - we're now looking at "why," and "what does it all mean?").

Fall 2009: A New Year, A New Beginning

2009-09-08T22:51:00.003-04:00

Last spring, we tried hard to get Tom into a local Montessori-style middle school, based at an organic farm just minutes from our house. But he just wasn't ready.

The concerns were understandable. He needed independent learning skills. He needed conversation skills. He needed collaborative skills. Those skills are just in the earliest stages right now. So -- we decided to try to teach him those skills through direct instruction and practice.

We put together a program of study that includes two full days at a homeschool resource center. That means time to work for us, and time with other kids for him. He's nervous, which is understandable, and he's talking about his concerns with his "talking and thinking coach," Kathleen. We'll also be using the Model Me Kids videos and workbooks to help him manage his social anxiety -- and, hopefully, get to the point where he can really engage with other kids in a natural way.

Today, we went for a visit to the new "non-school school," and talked with the teacher, Jessica, about his concerns. She reassured him that yes, it's okay to have and keep your pocket toys and no, you don't have to share them. It's okay to be quiet so long as you say SOMEthing (I don't know is acceptable). I THINK he's comfortable with all that!

Three days a week he's with us -- and BUSY. We're doing independent reading (found a literature reader/workbook combo which should arrive shortly). We're working on math based on the fabulous tutorial involvement of dyscalculia expert Mahesh Sharma (yes, it's over an hour away, but we go twice a month and it's worth the drive). He's continuing with clarinet AND saxophone with his wonderful music teacher, and starting a new afterschool jazz band. He's starting with Rosetta Stone Spanish. He's going to try out a new homeschool gym program.

All this overscheduling is, we hope, going to make it easier for both Tom and us. Easier for Tom because we'll have a clear, written schedule that includes time for TV and relaxing. Easier for us because both Peter and I will KNOW who's doing what, when, and how.

I'm thinking of this year as a "bye" year: if things work out, instead of starting 7th grade this year, he'll start next year -- as a first year student at the Montessori School. If it doesn't work out, we'll just think of it as a repeated sixth grade year, and move forward.

Wish us luck!

Tom and the Shaggy Dog Story

2008-11-17T21:43:00.003-05:00

In the past few weeks, Kathleen (our wonderful speech therapist) has been doing a little bit of testing and evaluation at our request. It's been an interesting experience.

Kathleen asks Tom what the object is on the page, and Tom replies "that's just a toothbrush."

"And what do you do with a toothbrush?"

"Well, when it's bedtime I go upstairs, and then I go into the bathroom. And then I brush my teeth. And I use my toothbrush to brush my teeth."

"What goes with a toothbrush?"

"Well, when I brush my teeth I use my strawberry toothpaste."

It's the long winded approach, but it gets where it's going. But now try this on for size. Kathleen asked Tom what foods he likes to eat. We got into a conversation about trying new foods, and he said "I don't like trying new foods."

"But sometimes," I said, "you like trying new foods. Like garlic bread. You liked garlic bread."

"Yes," said Tom. "This summer we went on a whale watch. We went to Provincetown, and the waves were huge. I felt scared, and I was crying. Some people threw up!" (Here I tried to interrupt to get him back on course, but Kathleen stopped me)

"But after the whale watch," Tom went on, "we went into the town. I saw the pirate museum, and I wanted the pirate toy. But I didn't get it. But then we went to the candy store, and we went to the restaurant. And I wanted pizza. But Dad said, I have something neeew you might like. And he said try this bread. And it was garlic bread. And I liked it!"

A ha! At the very end of the shaggy dog story, there was the garlic bread - safe and sound, and really foremost in his mind after all. Who would have guessed? You'd think I would have worked it out, but today I was surprised again.

We were at Kathleen's and Tom pulled out a toy I'd never seen - a little turkey-like plastic bird. I asked where he'd got it, and he went off on a long riff about picking things up off the ground and why we don't like him to do it, and how he feels about that... and on and on...

"But Tom - where did you get THAT bird?" I asked again.

"Well, when I lived in Pennsylvania, I went to pony camp."

"Yes, you did - but - "

"And my favorite horse was Scooby. And there were lots of different animals living there. There were pigs, but they weren't pink. They sometimes got angry. And there were goats. Do you know what goats like t eat? They like crab apples. And grass. And there were sheep. The sign outside the sheep pen said 'baa baa black sheep.' And there was Fred the Rabbit. I liked to feed him. And sometimes we went inside the barn, and had lunch. And that's where I found this toy."

Now, I know I am somewhat directive in my style, which is something I have to work on. But I have to say it never occured to me in my wildest dreams that Tom's long winded, totally off-topic wanderings weren't off topic wanderings at all, but rather shaggy dog stories with a point and a purpose. I guess it just goes to show what you can learn if you stop assuming you know what's going on, and actually pay attention.

Lesson - mostly - learned.

Bird Tracks (and others) In the Sand

2008-11-08T13:19:00.004-05:00

As part of our birding unit, Tom and I went to the local beach with a camera at lowish tide to see what we could find in the way of bird tracks. As you can see, we found a lot more than we counted on! In addition to tracks, we also discovered (on the tidal marsh side of the road) a whole colony of what I believe are fiddler crabs: crabs that dig holes, and have one huge claw. Mighty cool indeed.

Once we found and photographed these tracks, I cut and pasted them into a word document. Then I added lines beneath each photo, and asked Tom to write captions.

So... can you figure out what made all these tracks? Any ideas about what was going on?

When Are High Standards Too High?

2008-11-02T20:46:00.002-05:00

In the last few days, I've had a number of reasons to wonder whether I'm holding Tommy to too high a standard.

We've had Tommy meet with a math tutor once a week, because I thought it was important to supplement TouchMath, which is calculation-oriented, with some content on number sense (focusing on the purpose of the calculations in real life, but also on non-calculation skills like graphing, understanding the concept of multiples, etc.). In conversation with our tutor, I said,

"I know Tom can multiply - but I don't think he has any idea of how to USE multiplication. I'm not even sure he fully understands that 6X3 is the same as 3X6, or the same thing as six groups of three."

"Actually," she replied, "lots of people don't understand that. I'm not sure I fully understood that until I was in high school."

REALLY?? Oh....

We went candlepin bowling, as usual on Saturday. As usual, Tom spoke to no one, and threw the ball two-handed (instead of the usual way, with one hand). He did well: around 70 points. Naturally, I wanted him to interact; to throw the ball "right;" to keep his eye on the scoring screen to know when his turn was up. In other words, I wanted him to act "normal."

But while he was doing his thing, another boy just his age was throwing a temper tantrum. I mean, a real doozy. Another boy his age was rolling the ball - and then rolling on the ground himself. These were not "special needs" kids: they were twelve-year-old boys who are NOT on the autism spectrum.

Later this week, I was talking with Tom's speech therapist.

"I just don't think he fully grasps the ideas of same and different or bigger/smaller," I said. "I mean, he can tell you three ways in which a swan is different from an eagle - but he can't tell you whether six is bigger than nine."

"But he could tell you if you put it differently. For example, if you said 'I have six toys and you have nine toys. Who has more toys?"

Hm...

She went on to ask whether Tom had trouble in changing his schedule, based on our unpredictably changing job requirements. I responded that he really didn't - he's not an especially rigid person.

"That's huge!" she exclaimed. "Most kids have a very hard time when their routine is disrupted."

REALLY? ohhhh....

Last night, my husband Peter and a local selectman put on a "star party" (observing the moon and planets through telescopes) right down town in front of the library. I stayed briefly, but the kids hung out. One man said to me "wow - I never knew Jupiter had stars around it!" "Those are moons," I replied without thinking.

Y'know, Tom knows all about the moons of Jupiter. He can also name all the planets in order, and describe each. Hm..

Today, I took Tom, Sara, and a friend of hers for a little expedition. We went to a state park, and started exploring a trail. Within about a hundred feet, we knew we weren't on a "real" trail, but both my kids saw a quarry and wanted to check it out. The friend, who is very neurotypical indeed, was scared to stray off the trail - and almost burst into tears with anxiety. As we turned back, Tom wanted to know what the problem was. Why was Sara's friend crying? All he and Sara wanted to do was explore!

Later in the day, we took another path to the "sliding rock." It's a big boulder you can climb and slide down. My kids scampered to the top and slid without thinking twice. Sara's friend wouldn't even think of climbing to such a height. A perfectly reasonable anxiety - but one Tom has never shared.

This week, I also heard from a friend of mine. She has a 13 year old who is truly the perfect kid. He's tall, handsome, a fine athlete, a brilliant student - and a really delightful human being. Not only that, but so far as I can tell he's never had a pimple! I asked how he was. "Where do I start? " she said. "Well, Joey's been diagnosed with OCD. He got to the point where his rituals took two hours a day to complete, and what with traveling soccer four days a week and advanced high school classes, he just couldn't get through everything. So now he's seeing a therapist..."

Tom is, of course, my first child. I have no close nieces, nephews or neighbor children to compare him to. All I really know, as a result, is that he's twelve, and autistic. I know that some 12 year olds can stay home alone, call friends, make their own play dates, even pick up younger siblings at friends' homes. Tom could no more do those things than fly. But he CAN... evidently... do a great many other things that are beyond the reach of his typical peers.

Who knew?

Bird Beaks

2008-10-26T19:51:00.004-04:00

Sara (our public-schooled nine-year-old) had a rotten cold one day, so she stayed home with Tom - and had a grand time being homeschooled. Truth is, homeschooling really is a bit tougher than school-school (higher expectations and more supervision!), but on the other hand it's often a lot more fun.

On the day she stayed home, we were planning a "bird beaks" lesson based on the recommended activity in the KONOS curriculum. It involved finding household items that resemble various different kinds of beaks, and foods (or non-foods) that resemble tasty bird treats - and then experimenting to figure out which kind of beak (and bird) works best with which food item.

We made spaghetti to simulate worms and used peanut butter to stand in for mud... found some unpopped popcorn for seed... tossed some uncooked rice on a plate to be bugs... and so forth. The kids had a great time with tongs, tweezers, and other "beaks," trying to grab each type of food. As they decided which type of food went with which type of beak, we then looked through our bird guides to find real-life examples of the birds, beaks, and food.

Tweezer-shaped beaks work well to pick up seeds like popcorn.

The EyeWitness Birds Book is a great image resource

Which beak works best to grab worms?

Sara learns how tong-shaped beaks work!

Hands-On Homeschool Birding at the Audubon

2008-10-23T16:50:00.005-04:00

To round out our Birds Unit, I thought we should take a trip to the Audubon Society and get a "real" birding experience. I called - and lo and behold, they were happy to put together a two-hour homeschooling experience for us and other local homeschooling families. Moral: it can't hurt to ask! About 12 families turned up, ranging in age from about 4 to 14.

We got an hour of indoor instruction (feathers under a microscope, mix and match food and bird game, exploration of birds and their beaks). Tom was distracted by an exhibit of eggs and skeletons, but managed to tune in to check out an owl feather under the microscope.

Following the indoor presentation, we hiked a bit around some ponds (just a few birds here and there) and then walked down to a fabulous spot on the tidal marsh facing Sandy Neck (a strip of pristine beach that sticks out into Cape Cod Bay). We had a chance to try out a real spotting scope and watch osprey on their nest - but the real highlights were the crabs and insects we discovered right next to the boardwalk!

Spotting osprey through the scope at Longpasture Audubon in Barnstable.

Bird feathers up close and personal.

Be jealous! This is the view from the Audubon to Sandy Neck, a pristine beach that juts out into Cape Cod Bay.

Owl feather (I think!).

This is just part of a fabulous group of horseshoe crab molts we found on the salt grass in the tidal marsh. We brought home four!

Mastering "Same" and "Different" ??!??

2008-10-11T14:32:00.004-04:00

How can a child who is mastering double digit multiplication, who can describe earth's biomes with accuracy, who can read a full-length novel with fluency - NOT grasp the concepts of "same" and "different?"

I am grappling with this question this week - in part because I simply can't figure out whether the problem is conceptual or semantic. Obviously, Tom can tell the difference between, say, a peanut butter sandwich and a cat. He can even tell you, when asked, the differences between summer and winter, oceans and lakes, and so forth.

He knows that birds belong to the same group - and that the bird group is different from the reptile group.

When I place two equations in front of him - say 7 +2 and 2 +7 - he can handily tell you that each adds up to 9.

BUT!

When I ask him - "So - do 7+2 and 2+7 add up to the same thing?" He looks at me confused and says "I don't know... um... no."

"But - they both add up to nine."

"Yes..."

"And nine is the same thing as nine, right?"

"I don't know..."

"Look, Tom, here's 2 + 7 using the cuisinaire rods. And here's 7 +2. Can you place them one on top of the other?" (He does - and they are identical in length.)

"Are they the same length?"

"I don't know... no."

"Tom! Look at them! They are exactly the same length!"

"They are???"

"OK, I tell you what, show me two rods that are different." (He pulls out a blue and a red rod.)

"These are different."

"Yes, they are. Now show me two the same." (He pulls out two reds.)

"These are the same."

"Right. So... are these two rods (7+2) the SAME length as those two rods (2+7)?"

"Ummm...."

OK, folks, is Tom just playing dumb? Am I using the wrong words? Or is he truly not grasping what looks to me to be the most basic of concepts? SOMEthing is going haywire here!!

Homeschool, Autism, and Time Management

2008-10-05T09:55:00.003-04:00

When we started homeschooling this year, I decided it was time for Tom to take more responsibility for his own schedule. One of the strategies I thought we could try was a kitchen timer. We'd hand him the timer, and have him time his own breaks (our "lessons" are based more on content than on elapsed time).

Early on, we established that breaks would be ten minutes long. I showed him how to set the timer, and told him he could take the timer upstairs to his room so long as he listened for the alarm and let us know when it was time to start work again.

This worked beautifully for a few weeks. He mastered the skill of setting the alarm, and did a terrific job of letting us know it was time to get back to work.

Then, he started trying to negotiate for more time - fifteen, minutes, or maybe twenty. When we were firm, he started making the changes himself, and mentioning them to no-one.

Just yesterday, my husband Peter and I were exchanging notes, and Peter mentioned that Tom had actually reset the timer for 25 minutes... and that, since Peter had gone back to work (in his office) during the break, he really hadn't noticed the passage of time until he looked up at the clock!

At first, we commiserated, saying "how frustrating is that? We've really got to pay more attention to the time ourselves."

Then, we realized what a huge leap Tom had taken. Not only had he really, truly mastered the idea of measuring increments of time - he had also mastered the concept of RELATIVE increments of time (20 minutes is longer than 10 minutes), and he had worked out how to MEASURE a longer increment of time. Even more impressive, he had figured out how to manipulate his own schedule by SECRETLY changing the setting on the timer - a big jump in terms of "theory of mind." He knew we weren't paying attention, and that he thus had the power to make changes secretly, and change the schedule to his own benefit.

Having finally noticed the significance of this change, I then realized that he'd made other "silent" leaps that we'd essentially ignored. For example, he's decided to learn to bowl one-handed - entirely on his own - and while it's tough for him, he's persevering. He's noticing the emotions of other kids in the bowling league, and when one boy was upset we talked about the clues that showed us "upset" (red eyes, for one). Tom then remembered that HIS eyes had been red when HE'd been upset! He was also able to identify that a girl telling her friend to "shut up!" was just fooling around - because of the tone of her voice (which he was able to imitate).

Homeschool gym and "Hot Jazz" (afterschool jazz ensemble) are also a real breeze this year. Tom's joining in, paying attention, and generally connecting with the experiences being offered. While he still isn't really chatting with anyone else, he IS doing pratfalls, acting silly, taking his turn, smiling a lot - all wonderful social skills.

These changes are really pretty exciting - and seem to bode well for this year. Right now, I'm also considering a change in his clarinet teacher. He's working with a wonderful musician who was also the dean of a college music education department - and while it's good to be working hard on the basic skills of music and rhythm reading and execution, it isn't much fun. At this point, it seems to me that Tom should be focusing more on the idea of music as a way to express himself, join in with others, and generally find a place in the world - and less on sight reading and musical theory.

The Ups and Downs of Owl Pellets

2008-09-24T16:47:00.005-04:00

Great pun, eh?!

When we purchased the KONOS "attentiveness" kit, which includes a unit on birds, one big reason was that the kit contains an Owl Pellet Dissection Kit (which, it turns out, are available on Amazon!). Tom has always been fascinated with owls, and of course owl pellets contain all the "left-over" materials not digested by the bird after it gobbles its prey (eg bones, fur, etc.). We thought dissecting a pellet would be a great activity - not only because it's bird-related, but because it really builds those beginning science skills of observation and manipulation of tools.

It turned out the owl pellet was a hit - but the dissecting tools were too much for Tom at this point. That's because his fine motor skills are somewhat delayed (part of the autism, I suppose) - so that holding the pellet with pincers and then pulling it apart was tough. As a result, it was up to Dad to actually "unpack" the pellet and place it, on white paper, under a folding desktop magnifying glass.

Under the glass, Tom was intrigued to find bits and pieces of a real mouse skeleton (though his sister was completely grossed out!). We also found a huge amount of mouse fur, and other miscellaneous jetsam. Evidently, Tom was already versed in owl digestion (who knew? it was probably in a video or TV show he saw) - because he was immediately able to explain what he was looking at, why it was in the pellet, and how owls eat and then excrete their leavings.

Homeschool Conference and the Child with Autism

2008-09-19T20:08:00.002-04:00

Today, Tom and I took a trip to Boxboro MA, to a homeschool conference. It was an unusual type of event, run by the Family Resource Center - an organization that creates homeschooling programs with museums and other non-profits. There were all kinds of exhibitors, and all kinds of programs - and we had a great time last year. This year was more so-so, but that was partly because we had so little time (had to rush home for Sara's 4:00 bus).

Interestingly, to me, many of the exhibitors were very focused on selling us on "what boys like," on skill building, and so forth. I found myself, more than usual, aware that my child was NOT like most boys... that he ISn't a skilled engineer-in-training, or "loaded with energy," or any of the usual stereotypes. In fact, he spent a fair amount of time in the exhibit hall engaging with soft animal pelts... blech.

Not to complain, because he really did do a great job, and enjoyed the one program we did attend (weaving). But I did find myself continually looking at "cool" programs (US Constitution for Kids, Exchange City, Invention Camp, Challenger Space Programs) and saying to myself "too abstract... too group-oriented... too focused on fine motor... too this that or the other."

It feels strange, because honestly I've felt - at home - that Tom's doing a great job, developing all kinds of skills, and really progressing. Yet out there in the "real" world, where typical kids are more common than those with autism, it's still a pretty rocky road.

On the up side, I got lots of ideas - not only for homeschooling, but also for marketing my new unit studies materials!

B

Homeschooling ParentS

2008-09-18T16:31:00.002-04:00

It seems that 90% of the time, homeschooling is a moms-only activity. Oh, Dad might take the kids on an expedition, kick the ball around and call it PE, or work with a child on an evening activity. But by and large, day by day, it's all about mom.

In our case, it may not be 50-50 proposition, but it's closer to 40-60 than most.

It's true that I'm in charge of developing and putting together most of the curriculum materials and overall concepts. But day to day, Peter and I split things up. We can do this because we're both self-employed - which means both of us are flexible, and neither of us gets time off.

The "up" side of this arrangement is that Tom has an extraordinary education. I'm the linear teacher, dedicated to building specific skills; creating logical sequences of content; ensuring that we cover all our bases; setting up tutors and field trips. Peter is the inventive, serendipitous teacher - dipping into unexpected areas of interest because they just happen to come up. He's the one who got Tom excited about building a giant marble maze; he's the one who gets hands-on with animal skeleton and such.

The "down" side of this arrangement is that neither Peter nor I get a real break - EVER. If we're not working, we're teaching. If we're not teaching, we're maintaining the house, cooking meals, shopping, going to Sara's "back to school" night, or preparing lessons for tomorrow. Of course, not all of this is a grind: homeschooling often entails tramping the woods, combing the beaches, or going swimming! Still, though, there's no option for down time until about 10 at night.

Meanwhile, there's the anxiety related to being self-employed. On the one hand- no one employer can leave us high and dry. On the other hand - any ONE of our employers can demand attention at any moment. And, of course, you never know when a contract may dry up (one biggie suddenly got put on hold, putting our schedules into a brief freaked out tizzy!).

Tom, meanwhile, sits at the eye of our hurricane. For a kid with autism, he does surprisingly well with constantly-changing teachers and schedules. But I sometimes wonder how much time he spends wondering and worrying about what's going to happen tomorrow!

Birds of a Feather: Homeschool Birds Unit

2008-09-18T10:58:00.007-04:00

Tom has an obsession with finding and collecting junk. Whether it's a pen cap or a straw wrapper, he feels the need to pocket it. First, it was just a need to collect "stuff." Then, through floortime, he developed the ability to give every tiny piece of trash a purpose and meaning. The scrap of busted balloon turned into a rainhat for a toy lizard. The bent paper clip became part of a contraption. This was fine for a while... until we opened a couple of drawers and discovered a magpie's nest of TRASH!

Last year, we developed the idea of focused trash collecting. We told Tom he could pick up red, white and blue trash, to be used in the creation of a "found art" representation of an American Flag. We painted a piece of plywood black, drew an outline of a flag in chalk, and started gluing. We entered the flag in the Barnstable County Fair 4-H art exhibition - and it won a prize!

This year, we started out by collecting feathers. Thanks to Tom's eagle eye, we found quite a variety, including the soft downy kind that help birds stay warm and the big, waterproof kind that cover wings.

Then, following some ideas suggested in the KONOS bird unit, we explored our feather collection. Peter (my husband) and Tommy sorted them, and compared them to photos. Peter had Tom use a magnifying glass to look closely at the quills and barbs, and a spray bottle to wet the feathers and watch the water roll off. Tom also drew the feathers and labelled the various parts.

Homeschool Gym at the YMCA

2008-09-13T18:07:00.003-04:00

We started homeschool gym again this fall, and it's even better than before - both for Tom, and for me. Instead of creating two separate groups of homeschoolers (older/younger), the Y went with one larger group. As a result, we have about 10 kids enrolled, ranging in age from abou 7 to 13. Being homeschoolers, they're less intense... less competitive... and more interesting than your average kiddos. Same goes for the moms!

Homeschool gym is a sort of substitute for ordinary school gym, only much more interesting. Kids spend about an hour in gym-type activities - but in this case they include things like... ultimate frisbee, rock climbing - things you might actually WANT to do. No "president's fitness test" here. After the first hour, you get changed and get a 1/2 hour swim lesson follow by free swim (including time on the water slide!).

One of the nicest things that happened this time around is that a woman I know locally brought her autistic 11 year old to join the group. This is a boy who, I thought, might have a tough time. Certainly his mom was concerned. But lo and behold, he had a terrific time! Not only did he join in as he could, but no one said a word (beyond encouragement) when he chose NOT to join in.

This mom thought perhaps the fact that the instructors were men might have made a difference. I suspect she's right. Tom, who has NEVER cared for group sports, jumped right into soccer (of all things!). He ran, kicked, and even threw the ball back in when it went out of bounds. His pratfalls were also a hit: everyone giggled when he "hit the wall" and pretended to slide down to the floor!

The Trumpet of the Swan - Right in Our Backyard

2008-09-12T09:21:00.009-04:00

Our first unit study this year focuses on birds. It's a great subject for Tom, because he's always been fascinated by owls, penguins, puffins... and he really enjoys watching birds, even in his own backyard. I've also been amazed at how well he can identify bird calls. I looked for a unit study on birds and found quite a few - but none seemed to include all the elements we wanted. One of the best, though, is the Konos bird unit - which includes some great activity ideas along with one hands-on item: an owl pellet for dissection!

To start out with, though, we decided to read The Trumpet of the Swan by E.B. White. It's a wonderful classic, and is terrific for vocabulary, narrative and character. What's more (and I had forgotten this), the protagonist, Sam Beaver, is surprisingly similar to Tom in many ways.

Having read the first few chapters of the book, in which Sam is sitting quietly on a rock with his field glasses, watching the swans swim around a pond, we went for a nature hike. The idea was just to enjoy the lovely weather and collect a few feathers.

Well, here is Tom - sitting on a rock, using his binoculars, and watching a swan on the lake! Turned out there were actually THREE swans on this little lake... amazing!

Introducing My "A-Store" - Homeschool Units and Resources for All Kinds of Learners

2008-09-08T10:56:00.006-04:00

If you're a homeschooling parent, chances are your child, like mine, benefits from an education that's "outside the box." Nevertheless, it's always handy to have homeschool units and resources that are pretested, set up, and ready to go.

Last year, I set out to find homeschooling resources and units that I could put to use right away. I was looking for multidisciplinary, multisensory kits, containing books, DVDs, games, and hands-on materials for the arts and sciences. I'm not a Christian homeschooler, so I was looking for secular content. I found science kits. I found art kits. I found downloads and printables. But nowhere could I find a secular, multisensory, multidisciplinary themed unit full of great "stuff" to put to immediate use in our homeschool.

So... I started creating my own unit studies. My idea was to create units that engage an "out of the box" learner, who takes in information not only through words but also through eyes, ears, hands, and imagination.

I quickly realized that I was building just the kinds of units that I myself had been looking for. Even better, through my blog I was also describing just how we used those units, and what we added to off-the-shelf materials to enrich our homeschool experience.

A few weeks ago, I started building an Amazon.com "A-Store" where I could make all the unit studies materials we've used available to homeschoolers. Embedded in the store is information about what we did and how we did it - though of course there's much more information (and photos) about our adventures here on the blog.

So far, I've set up the store to offer all-you-need units on...

Whales
Trains
Colonial America
The Wampanoag Indians (Thanksgiving)
Oceans
The Human Body

I've also created a category that combines books with movies made from those books - because I've found that Tommy, a visual learner, is more motivated to read books he's already seen as movies (and I'm guessing he's not alone).

You can get to my A-store by clicking on this link or on the ads at the top of this blog.

Let me know what you think of my A-store! If you like it, please let your friends know it's here - and that it's growing! If you see places where it can be improved, please let me know that too.

Thanks so much!

Week One - Homeschool Opens

2008-09-05T13:09:00.027-04:00

On Tuesday, Sara took the bus to school for her first day of third grade. Peter, Tommy and I followed in the car, and saw her safely connected with her teacher and classmates before waving good-bye. Next, we got a cup of something each at the local coffee shop, and then headed to Staples for homeschool supplies.

We picked up a few items - velcro for our new schedule cards, magazine racks, a weekly and monthly dry-erase calendar, pencils, and so forth. More importantly, we bought a big crate in which to put all of last year's materials (including wall art, timelines, and poster presentations). It was time to clear the decks for a new year.

After all the old stuff was off the walls and stowed away, Tom and I made a list of all the categories of activities we had in mind for the year. Then we put a number next to the category to indicate how often we'd do each activity per week (Reading - 5, and so forth). Then we made up the right quantity of cards for each activity. This year, we decided to color-code - so we could find the cards more easily. So reading and writing are pink, math is green, etc. Lastly, we put velcro patches on the back of each card, so that it could be mounted on our schedule.

This chart is just a large piece of foam core, along with colored 3X5 backed with velcro. We put together a schedule every week - and often shift things around as needed.

Once that was complete (and we'd had lunch), we started filling in our monthly and weekly calendars. My hope is that, by using all these scheduling tools, Tom will get a better sense of how time flows, and how to think about and schedule activities and projects. Of course, in week one things were pretty loosey goosey - but starting next week, lots of outside activities will start up, and the calendar will become more complex.

These Dry-Erase calendars make it easy for us to see what's coming up - and for Tom to get a better sense of how time flows, and how to think about planning ahead.

We stuck the calendars up on the sliding doors (too little wall space for a homeschool, really...), and then figured out our schedules for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday (knowing a cousin would arrive on Friday afternoon!).

The space was all ready - and, it being the first day of homeschool, it seemed to me we'd done enough. So we set off for a "nature hike" down to the harbor. I stuck a baggie in my pocket, keeping in mind that we're starting our Birds unit - and lo and behold, we found several feathers to stow away for the future.

Ready for Day One, Year Two Homeschool

2008-08-31T21:10:00.005-04:00

We're getting ready.

I've written up our plan for the school district and submitted it according to regulations. So far, no response - but I figure no news is good news.

We've got all our Touchmath books ready to go. Our tutor hasn't given us a time yet - but it's early days, right?

We've got our first novel picked out for reading: "The Trumpet of the Swan" by EB White. I picked it out to go with our unit on birds (and, to be honest, because A - I have my own copy and B- EdHelper has a literature review unit on it that I can just print and use for reading comprehension, vocabulary, and spelling!).

I've got a lot of writing materials set up - though I suspect we'll go slow on writing to start with. I want to get Tom going on keyboarding, and though we have a new software program to teach keyboard, NONE of us has tried it yet!

Our first multidisciplinary unit is on Birds. I'm using the KONOS birds kit as a jumping off place, but I suspect we'll get quite creative. To start with, we'll do a KWL (what we know, what we want to know, what we learned) chart, and we'll use it as a tool for planning. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get either Mass Audubon or a local birding group to offer an "intro to birding" for a group of homeschoolers... so far, nothing. I have an Eyewitness video on birds and am just about to get hold of a few books and other resources. We'll go search for feathers; take photos of birds in the area; probably investigate bird families...

We've also signed up for candlepin bowling... homeschool gym at the Y (though I'm not sure it'll meet...), and we're waiting to hear about clarinet lessons and ensemble options. Of course we'll continue with speech therapy too... and perhaps start implementing some RDI elements into our program. Certainly I want to give Tom more responsibility for managing his time and getting more independent - I'm thinking that just giving him a timer and creating a schedule on paper (in addition to the velcro schedule) will help.

In reading this over, I realize that I'm taking on an awful lot - and there's an awful lot still up in the air. But I'm not too freaked out ... YET! After all, this is pretty much what we were doing last year, and it worked out just fine... And if it's too much, we can always scale back.

Not sure if this is a plus or a minus, but it seems that I'm really excited about learning about all this new stuff. I can't wait to learn how to go birding... how to paint like Monet... or to design my own totem pole. Hmm... Who is this homeschool program supposed to be for, anyway?!!

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

RDI and Homeschool...?

2008-08-26T09:20:00.003-04:00

Is Tom doing well - or not so well? The answer is yes.

In the past year, he's come a huge way in terms of academics, engagement, self-esteem, and willingness to suggest and try new things. He's much more independent in certain ways, too: he's now getting dressed and brushing his teeth on his own - and one day, when he was hungry, I heard him tell Sara "let's get our own breakfasts." Indeed, they did: he got himself cereal with milk and a glass of juice!

Tom has also been successful in typical situations that would once have required 1:1 shadowing. He bowls on a team; plays clarinet in an ensemble; takes typical tennis lessons. He swims like a fish, and can take part in quite a few carefully selected homeschool programs. In the grocery store he automatically helps out with finding items, placing items from the cart onto the counter, bagging, and even carrying bags to the car and from the car to the house!

He's great in most public places. He handles restaurants beautifully, reads and orders from a menu, waits nicely in lines (much better than most kids). He's way beyond most 12-year-olds in his ability to engage with and learn from museums, aquariums, zoos, and gardens. He enjoys classical music, and can discern the different instruments by ear.

On the other hand...

Tom has yet to make a friend. He's absolutely terrified (I THINK that's the problem!) of interaction with peers, and often interacts with adults only when he's completely in control of the interaction or when there's an obvious yes/no response.

His thinking skills are adequate for many tasks, but he's still unable to even use most abstract terms. The other day he called me a liar - and I was upset until I realized that the terms "truth" and "lie" are still somewhat hazy for him. As a result, more complex ideas like "freedom," "justice," etc. are way beyond him.

He can describe something in concrete adjectival terms - it's green, it's fat, and it's soft. But, for example, if I ask "why do you like that book," he'll simply tell me the plot. I repeat the question and he might say "I like the pictures," or "I like the part when the boy does X." But he's really not able to look at the entire book and derive a "big picture" answer to the question (I love adventure stories and this is great adventure story, for example).

He has a terrific imagination, and can come up with a thousand ways to talk about his imaginary friend Lizard and Lizard's world. But generally speaking his stories are one-dimensional and lack coherence: he'll say "Lizard has a friend who's a lion. The lion comes to Lizard's restaurant and Lizard cooks him meat. The lion has some friends, and they like to do XYZ." Great ideas, but really just a setting and a starting place - and without lots of help, he can't actually develop a story about these characters and settings.

He's amenable to doing many different things, and is willing to go along with a wide range of activities. But when he's asked what HE wants to do, or left to his own devices, he falls back on TV and books over and over again. Even when we're right in the middle of doing something that he loves, he wants to know "what are we going to do next?" And while I used to think this was just an expression of a need for structure, I now know that it's code for "can I watch TV soon?"

He's able to complete certain tasks on his own with minimal prompting, but only when they're always the same (get dressed, for example). When there are variables (even variables that he fully understands and has mastered), he finishes one step and then waits or wanders off - assuming that someone will come along and tell him what to do next (or not, which is even better).

The fact that we can now see strengths and weaknesses, and point directly at both, is huge - a great leap from "he's got issues." But the question of how in the world to address those weaknesses has been really gnawing at me. How do you push a child to want to take responsibility for his own actions; help a child to think well; motivate a child to want to interact with peers and others beyond a nod?

A number of people I respect have suggested RDI might be a good direction at this point, and I've started learning more about it and talking with a semi-local consultant. My frustration is that it's like going back to school (with all my copious free time!!) - and it also requires Peter to do the same. On the other hand, the idea of having someone to help us set goals, devise techniques for meeting the goals, integrate the goals into homeschool, and so forth is very appealing indeed.

More on this as we learn more... meanwhile, if you're a homeschooling RDIer - what's your thought? Is it worth the time, money, and effort to work with a consultant? Can we get what we need in a less strenuous way? Is this something we should pursue, or should we just work with local therapists and social skills coaches?

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

Searching E-Bay for Homeschool "Stuff"

2008-08-22T23:55:00.004-04:00

I turned in my plan for Tom's homeschool program last week... it's similar to last year's, with a few exceptions. Here's the bare outline (much more to come):

Math - Upper Level Touchmath + weekly tutoring
Reading - List of 6th grade novels; reading comprehension with Edhelper.com
Writing - Eclectic - Writing Strands, Edhelper materials, etc.
Music - Clarinet (and possibly piano) lessons, some kind of ensemble program
Art - Mostly built into unit studies
PE - Tennis, bowling, hiking, cycling
Units (history/geog/science) - Birds, Impressionism, Ancient Egypt, Ancient Greece, North/South Poles, Water, The American West, Sound/Music

We (Tom and I) were lucky enough to discover a discounted cuisinaire rod set, a set of science materials and a KONOS kit with all kinds of cool stuf inside, and it inspired me to search Ebay for homeschool goodies. I've already ordered a pile of videos - but am surprised at how little seems to be available that's anything like the KONOS box. Somehow, I expected homeschoolers to be out there creating amazing kits full of wonderful art materials, science stuff, explorations... But it all seems to be books, software and videos with an occasional lapbook or something added for good measure.

For all you veteran homeschoolers out there - what's great?? And what's especially great for a kid who needs lots of inspiration when trying to stay on task doing anything with his two hands? I'm collecting Usborne and DK books and videos... using Edhelper and Enchanted Learning online, and of course making good use of all kinds of local programs, events and resources. But with all that, I'm kinda feeling uninspired, and hoping to find some great hands-on kits.

Am I missing something terrific??

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

Pirates... ARGH!

2008-08-21T23:18:00.005-04:00

Today we went on a pirate adventure. I'd had my eye on this family excursion for several years - and figured it was now or never!

Tom and Sara point to landmarks shown on the treasure map.

Tom demonstrates that X marks the spot.

Bad guy pirate having a water fight with our brave crew.

Dangerous Dan the pirate hauls up the "buried" treasure, which was marked with a floating X

Tom watches as Sara holds up the key to the treasure.

If anyone reading this blog happens to be in Hyannis, MA during the summer, make a point of checking out the Pirate Adventure ship on Ocean Dock. This probably isn't for every kid on the autism spectrum - but for us, it was an absolutely terrific experience.

The boat is a real boat, outfitted like a pirate vessel. The pirates are three charming Irishmen (according to them, Irishmen make the best pirates!). The experience was timed down to the minute - and not only were the kids, ages 2-12, engaged for the entire hour and a half, but they also learned something about maps, points of the compass, landmarks... and water cannons.

The boat took off exactly on time, but since we had been asked to turn up half an hour early there was time to choose a pirate vest and get a painted-on "tatoo." On board, the "pirates" immediately provided the kids with clear rules and directions that kept them focused and on task ("all hands on deck" means gather in the bow and put your hands on the floor; "look out positions" means stand on low benches along the rail and look out to sea; and so forth).

There was a storyline that involved real, honest-to-goodness experiences - a "bad" pirate on a sailboat who was squirted with cannons but later was taken aboard as his ship had begun to "sink." A real "treasure" that was found with the aid of a legitimate map of the area. Real flags to be raised and lowered.

Tom, at 12, was the oldest child on the boat - and by far the tallest. But that really didn't matter. He was a little anxious with so many kids around (maybe 20 kids), and not quite sure what to make of the squirting water. But overall he was engaged, took part in almost every aspect of the adventure, and talked about it with real understanding afterwards. Sure, he got overexcited here and there - but wow, what a great time.

I think it was the combination of clear structure, kind actors, and the intrinsic interest of the experience that made it work for Tom. Put it on your list if you're on the Cape anytime soon!

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

What's So Scary About Saying "Hi?"

2008-08-21T07:52:00.003-04:00

At the beginning of the summer Tommy, having tried tennis at the YMCA, decided he wanted to take lessons. We have a terrific local tennis facility, and Scott, the son of the owner (who is also an instructor) said he'd be glad to work with Tom. So far, so good - Tommy is having a good time in his private lessons, and he's really coming along!

But.

Yesterday, he and I were at the tennis facility watching sister Sara in her group lesson. I was chatting with Tom, asking him whether he, too, might soon be ready to learn in a group. He got quite upset at the idea, and explained that he JUST wanted to play with Scott. He didn't want any groups, and he didn't want to play with anyone else.

I asked why.

"Because other kids might want my toys!"

"But, Tommy, you don't play with toys on a tennis court. Just balls and racquets!"

"They might say hi to me!"

"Yes, they might. Is that ok?"

"NO!"

We went back and forth on this, me explaining that ALL you have to do when someone says "hi" is say "hi" back - and you're done! No need for long conversations - especially on a tennis court, where you're far apart from one another anyway. Finally, in frustration, I told Tom that at some point he would HAVE to play with other people besides the pro, because we just couldn't afford to give him private tennis lessons for the next ten years! Either that, or quit tennis.

He made it clear that he did NOT want to quit.

I have some ideas for scaffolding tennis - perhaps I'll ask the pro about a teenager who'd be willing to play with Tom as a paid "buddy;" maybe I'll pay for some semi-private lessons with Sara... but that's not really what's bothering me.

My question is - what's so scary about saying "hi"? Is it the possibility that someone might then take the conversation to the next step and say something like "what's your name?" Is this social anxiety (a psychological issue) or is it just a feeling of uncertainty (something we can address through social stories and practice)?

When we do practice social interactions, by the way, the result is the same: Tom acts as if I'm a new kid he's anxious about, and refuses to interact! Great method acting, but not especially helpful in the long run...

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

Any Advice on Bikes and Autism...?!!

2008-08-17T10:45:00.002-04:00

Tom never really learned to ride a tricycle. In past years, we used a "tagalong" attached to an adult bike, and that worked reasonably well. Now that he's 12, I've used a rented tandem... but at $25 for a half day it's a pretty pricey option.

I decided to try to teach him to ride a bike.

He agreed.

We tried on grass. He fell. The grass was wet. He melted down completely.

We tried on a tennis court. He fell. He didn't even scratch a pinky. He melted down completely, burst into tears, stamped his feet, and ran away.

Now, we COULD try training wheels - but with a 5 foot tall 12 year old??

We COULD quit, but we have a 12-mile long bike trail going in just down the road, and it'll be a fabulous route through tidal marshes, woods, cranberry bogs... I am NOT going to miss out on that, and I want Tom to enjoy it too.

Any thoughts much appreciated!

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

Whale Watch - Yikes!

2008-08-16T09:48:00.003-04:00

We've been on whale watches here on Cape Cod for the past two summers, and they were WONDERFUL! So when we were gifted a freebie whale watch off Provincetown this summer, we were all psyched up. The weather was "iffy," but after driving over an hour and seeing glimpses of sun peeking out, we climbed aboard the little boat with high spirits.

Now, the folks at the ticket office DID say it was a bit rough out there - and they DID offer dramamine. But they did NOT tell us "if you stand on top of the boat you will be utterly soaked because we are heading into 4-6 foot waves!" Naturally, we hadn't brought towels or new clothes (nor did anyone else) - and it was a helluva ride.

Lucky for us, we all have pretty tough stomachs. But of the four of us only Tom truly, truly HATES fast amusement park rides and roller coasters. And this was like an hour-long roller coaster ride with no way off! The poor kid was panicked and in tears almost all the way out... and we were stuck outside because there was NO WAY we'd be able to make it down the stairs without killing ourselves.

Finally, we got out to the Stellwagon banks, where the whales feed. Lucky for everyone, a lovely humpback decided to perform for us - doing full-body leaps out of the water, rolls, and flipper waves. But in the past we'd stayed out on the banks for 45 minutes or so, observing lots of whales. This time, just the one. Tom did tearfully watch and say "it's cool" - he really is a huge whale fan.

The way back, fortunately, was smoother. And, though we're not ABA parents we DID offer a big reward to both kids for great behavior. By the time we were back on shore, Tom was totally over his fears and all was right with the world. The sun had come out, and we watched the gorgeous dunes and light houses slide past...

An amazing thing, how Tommy can absolutely freak out one minute, and be over it the next... He talked about it a bit later, but in fact - at soon as the waves ceased, his anxieties did too.

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

A Running Race - Ups and Downs

2008-08-10T19:35:00.003-04:00

Each year, our new hometown runs a major road race. 10,000 people from around the world compete, and many more watch. The town runs a kids' fun run, and Tom took part (Sara did too).

Prior to the race, I took the kids for a loooong walk, and we wound up at the tidal marsh across from our nearby beach. Sara was hot, and I gave her permission to take a swim in her clothes. Tom literally fell apart: Sara should NOT swim in her clothes, it was NOT all right, and he was going to sit himself down several hundred yards from the swimming and NOT BUDGE as a protest.

As we walked back, with a soaking Sara and a growling Tom, I asked what the problem really was. Was it that a rule had been broken? Tom said it was, and we talked about rules and breaking rules at length. Only later, when I talked with Peter about it, did I get another perspective: Peter's insight was that Tom simply couldn't abide the idea of wet clothes! Typically, Tom will change his pants if even the smallest drop of water hits them... Not sure which was true, but in the long run he sucked it up, ate an ice cream, and walked the mile and a half home with no complaints.

Later, we went to the race. This was a much bigger deal than I'd expected - with hundreds of people, loud music, hot sun, new foods.... naturally it was much harder for me than it was for Tom (who drank Gatorade for the first time and liked it - blech!) We met up (unexpectedly) with friends, which was great... But Tom's age group wound up having to RUN about 2/3 of a mile - much farther than he's ever run. He was up for it, but we weren't so sure.

Peter decided to jog along with Tommy, and together they finished the race - to great cheers from the audience (they came in half a length behind everyone but one other child). Tom was in tears - he had developed a stitch in his side - but at the very end he put on speed to cross the finish line.

Tom was proud; Dad was thrilled; Sara was supportive. Tom and Sara even got special pictures taken to commemorate the event.

I have to admit, though, that I had some strange feelings about this: the whole idea of a crowd cheering the "special" little boy was in such sharp contrast to his very real success at the concert the prior day. It just seemed so strange that the same boy who could play "The Barber of Seville" and "Take Five" on one of the toughest instruments out there - with MUCH older players - needed so much support just to finish a fun run, just didn't compute to me.

Maybe it's being 12 and on the verge of puberty, or maybe it's my own issues, but somehow Tom seems right now to be two different people. On the one hand, he's a bright and accomplished (and handsome!) kid who can do almost anything he chooses.

On the other hand, he's a special needs child who needs significant support to succeed in the most basic activities of life (carrying on conversations, managing simple changes in rules or routines, asking for help when it's needed).

Perhaps he's on the cusp of a big change - and it's up to us to be sure the change is in the right direction... eep.

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

A Musical Triumph - A Band Camp That Worked

2008-08-09T07:57:00.002-04:00

Today, Tom (age 12) played his clarinet in a concert that marked the end of a two-week "band camp" program - and when it was over he came up to me with a beaming smile, saw my face, and said "You're thrilled!" I was.

The camp program, which included as many high school aged "staff members" as it did "campers," was mainly geared to middle school and high school kids with a serious interest in music. Out of about 30 kids, only two were younger than Tom - and most were much older. So far as I know, Tom was the only camper with "special needs," and the camp was in no way therapeutic: it was three hours a day of solid, intensive, challenging music instruction.

At the end, these kids were playing far above the usual junior high and high school level of performance. The pieces were truly challenging: "Take Five," "The Barber of Seville," "Phantom of the Opera," and so on. Tom is a solid clarinet player with some experience playing in bands - but he's never performed on this level.

What made this program work for Tom?

The bottom line for success wasn't knowledge of autism, specialized instruction or expensive aides. Instead it was, very simply, good teaching - and a knowledge of what makes kids tick.
George, the band leader in charge of the program, knew of Tom's autism. Joe, the woodwind instructor, learned about Tom's diagnosis on day one. Between the two of them, here are the simple, low-tech, highly effective steps they took to make the experience successful for Tom:

Transposing the actual sheet music so that it reflected a 6th grade level of musical knowledge (clarinetists don't seem to play the upper register until they're older than Tom is)

Spending a little one-on-one time with Tom to be sure he was truly reading and following the music.

Seating Tom front and center in front of the conductor, and from time to time recalling his attention by saying his name.

Occasionally seating a high schooler next to Tom to be sure he was following the more difficult music (apparently he was playing the flute part by ear instead of reading the clarinet part!)

Providing regular high fives and encouragement (something all the students received throughout the two weeks)

Focusing on the music rather than on acquisition of "appropriate social skills."

Both my husband Peter and I found ourselves thinking "If only the school district had put accommodations like this in place, we may never have needed to start home schooling!" But they didn't. And we did.

Parents and teachers may disagree with me, but I have a theory about why Tom has done so well in the last year with community inclusion.

This year, we placed him in typical small-group programs - including music, bowling, tennis, gym, and so forth - with instructors who had no training at all in working with kids with autism. But those instructors - Henry, George, Scott, Mike, Steve - were all men. Men teach differently from women: in general they're more focused on skills and outcomes than on process, more concrete in their directions, and less likely to worry about whether members of a group are sharing thoughts and feelings. For Tom, all these elements seem to be plusses.

Up until this year, Tom had never worked with men - mainly because there are so few males in educational or therapeutic roles, and everything he did involved teachers and therapists.

Every one of the men Tom has worked with this year has an agenda - but none of those agendas has anything to do with social skills, behavioral therapy or even making friends. Their agenda is focused on building skills and having fun. And Tom can do both. In fact, he does a terrific job at bowling, swimming, tennis, music and much more: his challenge is not the activity but social communication.

I'm not suggesting that Tom doesn't need help with social communication. And I'm certainly not suggesting that he will never again work with women (in fact, he will be working with a terrific female math tutor and a spectacular female speech therapist in the fall).

But I've got to say that community programs run by men and focused on real, meaningful outcomes have made a huge difference in our lives. And what really delights me is knowing that all of these activities - music, sports, hiking, birding, and more - can be a part of Tom's life for as long as he lives.

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

Why Great Teachers Are... Great!

2008-08-07T13:55:00.008-04:00

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

Summer on Cape Cod. You really can't beat it! So far, it's been a great experience for us, and for Tom.

We started out with a week of YMCA daycamp for both Tom and his sister, and for the first time we dropped off and picked up with no special support provided for him. Two things made this easier: first, we were able to place him in the same group as Sara - and though he was the youngest in the group, it was a good match. Sara could help him as needed (not too often, really), and the expectations were slightly lower. Second, the YMCA staff already knew Tom from homeschool gym, and knew just what to expect - and the same staff worked in the camp as worked in the homeschool gym program.

After Y camp, we had a few weeks of mellowness (beaching, trying out a tandem bike - great for him, less great for me - and general Cape Cod exploring).

Tom's 12th birthday went adequately... we invited the boys from down the street; the cake and pizza went fine, but then Tom disappeared quietly into his room and we couldn't get him to join in the festivities for love nor money. Still, he got his "shopping spree" (with birthday money), which is always a great hit!

And THEN - Tom started in on his Sounds of Summer music camp. This is a two-week morning program offered at the local private school and run by the head of education for the Cape Cod Symphony. Most of the kids are older than Tom - he's 12, but some of them are high schoolers. We talked at some length with George, the camp director, and he had seemed to have no qualms about including an autistic clarinetist.

On the first day, it turned out that the instructor who was working with the woodwinds had NOT been informed of Tom's autism - but he was more than willing to talk with us at length about his needs. On the second day, Tom seemed to do much better, especially since George had kindly revised Tom's sheet music to the range that he's used to playing (12 year olds aren't taught the upper register on the clarinet!). On the third day, George was much more worried about the junior counselors and getting the trombones and timpani focused than he was about Tom - who was doing just great!

Today, I figured out just why he's doing so well.

With no fanfare whatever, George placed Tom front and center, in front of the conductor. When he's about to start the band playing, he makes sure Tom is paying attention - and when he isn't, he just says "Tommy!" and Tom is focused. When a part is especially tough, he has one of the junior counselors sit beside Tom, and help him follow the clarinet part (some of these pieces are tough even for the high schoolers!). As a result of all this, Tom is absolutely comfortable with camp, with the musical challenge, AND with the group - and his social anxiety seems to have lifted significantly. He doesn't chat with the older kids, but he's okay with asking for help, asking questions, smiling... Tomorrow is the Big Concert, and we're bringing presents.

Bear in mind that George has never been trained in special needs. He's just a very, very good teacher.

Sort of like the tennis teacher who's working with Tom now, 1:1, at the local tennis center. Scott says he likes working with all kinds of kids, and Tom is no exception The tennis was Tom's idea, so he's engaged and eager to play - and Scott says he's doing great. You can see why: he actually puts his hands on Tom's shoulders to show him where and how to stand and swing; he started off very easily so Tom could be successful. Now, Tommy is actually hitting the ball quite well; I'm hoping he'll be ready for a group experience in the fall.

This is what I'd hoped homeschool would be about: finding the right opportunities for inclusion, so that Tom could succeed in areas that had the potential to be important throughout his life. So far, so good.

"Does He Ever Warm Up?"

2008-05-29T19:38:00.004-04:00

Today we took a trip to the Cape Cod National Seashore for Junior Ranger program. It was a perfect day, and there was a terrific group of homeschoolers ready to learn. This seemed like a great opportunity for Tom, who loves the beach, loves critters, and loves museums (like the one at the Visitor Center).

Here's Tommy, helping to measure an animal track as part of the program:

This is the kind of photo that makes me realize how easy it is to make a child appear "typically developing" (or "recovered") as opposed to "autistic."

You can clearly see how well Tom (at the left) is cooperating with a peer in an age-appropriate activity. He's measuring, discussing tracks and tracking...

But in fact, he's doing it entirely on his own. Even the friendliest overtures from the boys he worked with led to real anxiety... which in turn led to some pretty snippy responses ("no, I DON'T want to trade measuring tapes!").

It made it all come home for me when the boy with the cast (on the right) asked me quietly - "does he ever warm up?"

Money and Autism - How Do You Make the Connection?

2008-05-27T20:14:00.003-04:00

This weekend, for the first time, I took the kids Yard Saling. It being Memorial Day weekend on Cape Cod, there were pickings aplenty, and I told the kids they could buy just one thing at each sale.

At the first house, we found a terrific tub of stuffed toys; each child picked one out and spent a quarter apiece.

At the second house, though, there were few worthwhile items... Tom decided, though, that he HAD to buy something - and picked out a jigsaw puzzle in a plastic baggie. Now, Tom has never, ever put together a puzzle, nor has he shown any interest in puzzles. What's more, there wasn't even an interesting picture on a box to grab his imagination. He just wanted to spend his money.

I nixed the deal. One second later, he had dissolved in tears. He told me I had done a wrong thing to him, and hurt his feelings, and that he was very very angry. Naturally, I got angry too, and ordered both kids into the car.

Despite all the frustrations, though, we still followed the sign to "just one more" flea market. There, we found several great buys - including a bag of toys that really were just right for Tom, and a $5 bicycle for Sara! I also picked up an almost-new blanket for Tom's bed, since his old blanket was falling apart.

The next day, Tom had earned a dollar for helping around the house and he was desperate to spend it on something... anything. Again we stopped at a Flea Market. Again it was basically a collection of junk. Again I told him "no," and again he dissolved in tears.

It seems to me that money SHOULD offer a wonderful opportunity for homeschooling around math, culture, values, and so forth. But for most kids the idea of saving for one big thing holds a lot of fascination. For Tom, even the tiniest object - a 50 cent plastic toy at Walmart - is just as exciting as, say, a Wii or an X-Box. There's no point in saving if there's nothing to save FOR - and no point in putting your money away if a broken pen is an object of desire.

We've tried allowances and earning, and of course he's glad to get the cash. He's allowed to go on a "shopping spree" with the money at hand for his birthday, and we do a subtraction exercise to keep him on track.

But overall, his sense of the value of money is ... zero. He can count change, but the IDEA of a dollar means very little. He can price a toy, but sees no difference in relative value. Since he prizes things that are valueless to others, he can collect an infinite amount of "valuable" junk for no money at all.

So far, I can't come up with any clever ideas for making money matter to Tom... nor can I envision him becoming savvier about relative values of objects since everything and nothing is all the same to him.

Any thoughts?!

"Practice" Conversations

2008-05-22T20:07:00.002-04:00

Today was a slow day: Peter was sick; Sara was a little less sick; Tommy had a runny nose. So we called school off, and I attempted to work while also looking after the brood.

At one point during the day, I found myself standing at the bottom of the stairs, listening to Tommy who was invisible around a bend at the top of the stairs. He was "talking" two of his plastic pals, and they were chatting about our trip to Washington DC.

"So who did you meet?" asked one plastic pal.

"Oh, we met Kaiser."

"Who is that? Is that a boy or a girl?"

"That's a man. It's Lisa's cousin. He was staying a hotel in Washington DC."

"Did you like him?"

"Yes, he was very nice. We went out to lunch together."

What a very reasonable, civilized conversation! Of course, so far as I can recall Tom has never, ever had anything like that conversation in real life.

But I remember that Dr. Greenspan wrote something like "if a child can do a thing once, in one context, that means he can do it." That is, the fact that he can do it as a roleplay with his plastic pals means that Tommy, in fact, is capable of having just such a conversation with real people.

I'm looking forward to it.

This 'n' That

2008-05-18T17:37:00.005-04:00

It's been such a long time since I wrote that I'm a bit overwhelmed by the idea of catching up! A few highights:

We took a ten-day trip to visit our old home in Pennsylvania, and friends and family were all very impressed with Tom's progress. We even made it all the way to DC, and visited the Lincoln Memorial and a few other "sights." Sara revisited her old friends and school; Tom adamantly did NOT wish to see kids he'd known - which was just fine with us! Instead, we spent plenty of time with various folks he DID want to see, and avoided worrying our heads about explaining homeschool to Tom's old teachers!

I set up a homeschool visit to the home/studio of a weaver in Cataumet (Bourne, just north of Falmouth). It was a surprisingly good experience, and Tom really enjoyed it. In fact, despite the fact that he said he WOULD NOT try weaving, he DID try weaving on the big loom - three times. Came home with a little blanket for Lizard! I was proud because this was the very first time I'd set up a successful homeschool happening that included a number of families (I think six families came) - and it turned out to be a positive experience for all. Whew!

We worked hard on a series of paragraphs about the Human Body, and supported our reading and writing with some hands-on experiments (not especially well-received, but I gave it a shot); a few videos and websites; and a trip to the Human Body exhibit at the Science Museum in Boston (below). Gotta say that what he REALLY loves at the MOS is the amazing Rube Goldberg device (balls moving through an incredibly complex and beautiful contraption); a few dioramas; and of course the traveling exhibit on ... reptiles! Still, we did get a chance to explore the body a bit.

Once we had three paragraphs on various systems of the body (I used graphical organizing templates from various websites) I realized I had the makings for a proper five paragraph essay. We did produce one, and he does understand the content - but I'm not at all sure that the structure makes a whole lot of sense to him. Still, it's a start - and a legit sample to include in his portfolio...

Did read the Daniel Tammet book you all suggested (Born on a Blue Day). Fascinating guy, but NOTHING like Tom. Tom is so arts-and-music, where true aspies seem to be all structures-and-math... Tom is story-and-sound effects, no interest in systems... that's why I just don't think Asperger syndrome fits him.

Meanwhile, thinking a lot lately about the whole notion of community and friendships... a friend down the road said she wanted to present her aspie son's IEP team with the idea that she wants her son to have "a community." I really had to wonder - can ANYone guarantee a community? And if "anyone" can - should that anyone be a public school? I myself have rarely felt "in community" with more than one or two people at a time... somehow doesn't seem like a basic entitlement like learning to read is...

Synethesia: Strange Confluence of Sight, Sound, and Mind

2008-04-11T20:53:00.004-04:00

This is just so freaky and amazing, I have to share it.

After reading a few lines in a book about something called synethesia, I got interested. Apparently, quite a few people have an odd brain wiring such that letters, numbers, and/or musical notes are linked with colors. When they see a letter or number, and/or hear a musical note, they "see" a particular color in their minds.

Apparently, this odd quality is particularly common among people with autism.

On a whim, I asked Tom if he sees colors when he plays notes on the piano. Oh, yes, he said, he does!

C=red
D=orange
E=yellow
F=green
G=blue
A="pink"
B=violet

I drew a series of dots in the colors he gave me, and aked him to play them on the piano. He played Frere Jacques flawlessly.

I looked up synethesia, and found that there's a close link between synesthesia relative to music - and perfect pitch.

It wasn't until today that I realized something else: the series of colors Tommy gave me is consistent with the achronym ROY G BIV. For anyone who's studied optics or astronomy, that acronym will be familiar: it's the colors of the optical spectrum, the order they appear in a prism, or in a rainbow. The only "off" color was pink - and that's because the correct color is "indigo."

Tommy has never heard the word "indigo."

Does anyone know anything more about this amazing collection of coincidences? I've emailed a couple of researchers in the field of synesthesia, but nothing so far!

Making Model Railway Trees from "Old Man's Beard"

2008-04-08T16:24:00.008-04:00

This is an absolutely amazing technique that Tommy and my husband, Peter, developed for making trees for a model railway. It helps, of course, that we live on Cape Cod - where the moss called "Old Man's Beard" is everywhere. But if you have a similar moss available, you've got to give this technique a try.

You need:

twigs

plenty of Old Man's Beard Moss

glue

hammer and nail

base in which to stand your trees (we have a papier mache mountain, part of our model railway)

Here's what you do:

dip the twig in glue

glue a tuft of moss to the twig

allow to dry

use nail and hammer to punch a hole in your base (of course, if the base is cardboard you won't need the hammer)

Put the twig into the hole

Put a little more glue around the outside of the hole

You're done!

Here are pix:

Arts and Crafts: A "Native American" Loom

2008-03-29T19:06:00.010-04:00

This winter, we focused on colonial America and the Wampanoag indians. I can't say all the readings and maps were a huge hit, but we did create a home made "native american" loom which Tom used to make a mini-blanket -- and THAT was a surprisingly successful idea. As you may know, kids with autism aren't known for their fine motor skills, and Tom's drawing and handwriting attest to that. But in this case, interest overcame potential frustrations!

We used a process described below (you'll find it on EdHelper) - and Tommy stuck with the project for several days until it was complete. Later, we visited a local arts center, and he was fascinated by a full-scale loom that "lives" there. To follow up, I've made a date to visit the weaver's studio!

In this picture, Tom is starting to create his loom with the help of speech therapist Kathleen Florance.

Cutting slits to make the loom

Weaving

The final product: a blanket for "Kitten"

Partial Instructions From EdHelper.com

2) Cut a 5" by 8" piece of cardboard for each student. Mark short lines a half inch apart
along the 5" wide section on the top and bottom. Draw a line one half inch in from
the top and bottom. Cut slits at the marks. (see photo) The loom can be made
slightly larger for older students, or if the student wishes to make a pouch. The
finished fabric will be about 1" shorter and 1" narrower than the size of the loom.

3) Thread the warp. Take a piece of yarn and put it into a slit at one corner, leaving a
3"-4" piece of yarn on the back of the cardboard, you can tape it into place if needed.
Bring the yarn down the front of the cardboard piece and into the slit at the bottom.
Then bring it back up in the slit next to it. Now bring the yarn back to the next slit on
the top edge of the loom, put it into the slit. Bring it back to the front using the slit
next to it, and so on. The warp yarn should be pulled snug as it is being threaded,
but not so snug that it bends the cardboard.

4) Cut some cardboard rectangles 2 inches by 1 inch wide to make shuttles for the
yarn. Wrap a 3 ft to 6 ft piece of yarn around the shuttle. Then begin weaving by
gently pulling up on every other thread and passing the yarn beneath it. Then head
back again, making sure to go under every warp thread that has a thread over it. At
the end of each row, tug on the yarn gently only, or the warp yarns will get pulled out
of place. Also after each row is complete, push the yarn up snug against the
previous rows.

5) When changing colors of yarn, simply weave the end of the yarn into the design, and
then start a new color.

6) When getting to the bottom inch of the weaving, the yarn can no longer be wound on
the shuttles, and will simply need to be woven with fingers. Continue to push the
yarn up snugly against the previous rows.

7) Remove the weaving from the cardboard. There will be loops at either end. A dowel
or stick can be threaded through the loops to make a hanging, or the threads can be
gently redistributed to fill in the loops. This is part of the reason why they need to be
pushed snugly against each other during the weaving.

Be Impressed. Be Very Impressed.

2008-03-23T18:51:00.005-04:00

Playing Clarinet in "All Band" Performance at Falmouth High School

In the last few months, we have done amazing things.

Mapping and labeling Massachusetts and all the New England states
Creating a Massachusetts timeline from 1620 onward
Creating a map (with photos) of the old Cape Cod train line
Reading about (and answering questions about) colonial New England; comparing it to present day
Reading about (and answering questions about) native Americans, particularly the Wampanoag
Attending a presentation by a Wampanoag educator
Visiting an early lighthouse and centuries-old shipwreck in Wellfleet, MA
Doing an arts project related to colonial America (making and using a hand-made loom)
Performing in an "all bands" event in the local High School gym
Visiting the Fine Arts Mueum in Boston
Continuing and doing much better in math (word problems, simple multiplication)
attending weekly homeschool gym at the Y, and working on all kinds of ball-handling, rock climbing, swimming, etc. with "typical peers"
Continuing with candlepin bowling league -- Tom and Sara's team is top among four!
Volunteering monthly to feed and exercise the critters at the local nature center
Completing and writing about Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (the book)
Learning to use a graphic organizer to develop and write paragraphs
Becoming expert in conjugating the verb "to be," and using the right tense
Starting to learn about homynyms
Created a painted river and waterfall and made "trees" from twigs and "old man's beard" for train layout

And on and on it goes...

I'm beginning to understand while homeschoolers all sound so impressive: it just kinda happens, without your spending too much time planning or describing it.

shipwreck at Cape Cod National Seashore

The big question, for me, is how much of this is he actually understanding and retaining? And I have a sense that it's somewhere between "some" and "a bit." For example, he's definitely getting local geography and basic map reading. He's definitely got the very general gist of Mass history (there was the Mayflower and pilgrims and Wampanoag indians greeted the pilgrims. Life was diffferent then. There are still Wampanoags around now, and I met one). He understands that the king of England was in charge of the colonies, and the the revolution was about removing the king and replacing him with a president -- George Washington. Is that about as much as most fifth graders know? I wonder...

Both of us have pretty much had it with American history - at least for the time being. And we're staring in on what I think will be a more engaging unit on The Human Body. We'll start with a National Geog. video, and cover various different systems (skeletal, muscular, digestive, etc.). Found some good books and websites, and will supplement with some hands-on fun (I know some good stuff, and grabbed a Janice Van Cleave hands-on book from the library). Should be able to cover science and health content pretty nicely, along with some non-fiction book reporting, drawing, and maybe even a three-D art project.

Thanks, so very much, to the person who recommended the City Creek Press animated times tables. So far, they have made a huge difference in Tom's understanding -- even though he claims he doesn't want to watch or do the quizzes!

Roadblocks or Language Issues?

2008-03-03T22:53:00.002-05:00

We're working on writing. I decided to download a software program called "Kidspiration," which uses graphical organizers to help kids put their thoughts together... found it was a lot of work to do something that's easier to do by hand LOL! But thought I'd try "webbing" as a way to put together a paragraph about a character in a book.

We started with Tom's imaginary friend, Lizard, and that went pretty well. So I moved on to Willy Wonka from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I put Mr. Wonka's name in the middle of the web, and asked Tom to tell me three things about the character. Tom has watched the movie a thousand times. He's read the book and answered every readin comprehension question correctly. He told me a pile of things that Mr. Wonka DID, but couldn't come up with a single character trait. After much pushing and shoving, I got three traits -- but there was NO way he could come up with examples of the traits. It was simply asking too much.

I realized that Tom really didn't grasp the concept of a character trait. No one has ever asked him "what is so and so like." We ask "what does so and so DO," "when does he do it," and so on -- but never something as abstract as "what is he like?" Somehow, either he doesn't understand the idea -- or doesn't understand the language I'm using to describe what I'm asking for. I don't exactly know which...

I've decided to step back a bit, and use the organizers to help him write about animals -- something that will be much easier for him. We've also been making a "colonial" loom from cardboard, and he had no trouble coming up with a sequence of steps (though his choice of words, handwriting and grammar are still very young).

Had a similar concept/language problem today with skip counting. Thought I'd use SchoolHouse Rock multiplication videos to help him memorize sequences -- he got teary-eyed! Why? he was very upset that I'd mixed up TV (which is fun) with learning (which is something other than fun?!). Now, he loves educational videos -- but apparently up until now he didn't realize that they had anything to do with the kind of learning you do in school (or even in homeschool!). Wow. I just assumed he knew...

Then we went on to multiplication worksheets. Now, Tom has been able to add for many years, and adding 3 to 42 really is a no-brainer for him. Yet he cannot grasp the idea that skip counting by threes means the same thing as adding three and then three again. Yes, we've done 3+3+3+3, etc. Yes, we've made groups of three. We've made triangles. We've done hands-on 3's counting. We've rearranged cards with multiples of 3, and he's put them in the right order. We've done mazes where you follow the trail of 3's. But when he gets stuck, and I say "just add 3," he looks at me like I'm nuts and has no idea what to do.

Are we hitting real conceptual roadblocks here? Or is this some kind of language issue? Somehow, he is not connecting ideas that he KNOWS with the words to describe those ideas. I'm not sure what the problem is... so am not at all sure how to solve it...

Next Steps: Planning for Spring

2008-02-24T17:05:00.004-05:00

I'm starting to feel a bit more confident about my planning abilities... though there's still SO MUCH to learn. A few ideas:

Tom's a very concrete thinker, and we need to spend some time on colonial America/Native Americans. These are fairly concrete topics, but a little "heady" so I'm combining the two into one six week program of study. I'm trying to focus on what/where/when content as opposed to "what is religious freedom" content (though getting a little bit in there) :

maps/geography (from Enchanted Learning),
readings with comprehension questions and writing prompts (from Edhelper),
hands-on activities (indian weaving; colonial crafts);
a few field trips (Plimoth Plantation, and probably Sturbridge Village).
The plan is to go to the Wampanoag Pow-wow in the summer.

We've already attended a presentation by a Wampanoag educator at the local children's museum (though quite honestly I think Tom got almost nothing out of the experience; I think it was too "talky" and there were too few hands-on opportunities).

For math, we're just continuing with Touchmath, and adding in some hands-on activities and the like that I've picked up from various sources. Right now we're working through the second grade curriculum: word problems and multiplication. I'm also supplementing with pages of add/subtract problems.

Reading will continue with novels of interest; just finished James and the Giant Peach, and we're about to start Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I'm hoping we can do a Laura Ingalls book as well (he doesn't know the story, but it fits in so well with American history!).

For writing, I think it's time to get more serious about organizing thoughts. I've downloaded a trial version of Kidspiration Software (concept mapping), and we'll see if that helps. If not, we can try more basic outlining... need to get him to move from stream of consciousness to the idea of real communication, and that's going to be a real process. If we can get there, though, it'll be WELL worth it!

For arts: continuing with clarinet and piano (I'm looking for simplified versions of sheet music for selections from Little Einsteins -- found Fur Elise, but that's the only one so far!). He and his Dad visited the Boston Museum of Fine Arts, and I'm guessing we'll go back for a program. And... we are planning our very own homeschool art show! (wish us luck...)

Science will get serious with units upcoming on The Human Body (also health, of course), and Oceans -- later in the spring.

What do you guys think? Thoughts/suggestions welcome!

Biography Fair!

2008-02-24T16:56:00.003-05:00

We learned through the web that our local homeschool community was going to have a "biography fair," and it sounded like a great way to exercise Tom's special interest in certain picture book authors. His favorites are Eric Carle and Ezra Jack Keats -- but his most favorite EVER picture book writer is Robert McCloskey (Make Way for Ducklings, Blueberries for Sal, etc.).

The fair was a simple concept: each kid picks a person and creates a trifold poster about that person. Then they turn up, set up the poster, and wander around.

We spent a lot of time on the web finding pix of book covers, info about McCloskey, and more pix of the ducklings at Boston Garden; the swan boats; blueberries. We "recreated" the cover of the book Time of Wonder, and Peter and I constructed a moving sailboat (Tom made the sailboat, we did the engineering). It is SO tough to have a kid do all the work, especially when it's going to be a presentation, and truth is... we just didn't have the whatever it is we needed to stand back and just watch...

Hopefully, that's ok?!

Toughest part of the project was writing about McCloskey himself, and about his books. Tom's inclination at this point is to tell everything he knows about anything he's asked about. As a result, you get an entire retelling of each story (no "main idea"), and long narrative about watching a video about McCloskey, and going to Maine, and going to the top of a mountain and looking at the islands, and you could see this and that... I had him narrate, and helped him organize his thoughts - but I know a lot of the process was outside his capabilities at this point.

Anyway - went to the fair, and he did a WONDERFUL job telling folks about his work, looking at others work, and passing out the Valentine's candies we'd brought. We even got a certificate for being a part of the event.

Best, of all, a photographer was there -- and Tom got his picture taken for the local news website!

What Makes a Friend?

2008-02-11T08:46:00.000-05:00

A while back, I noted that Tommy had really connected with the two boys with whom he was taking a mediocre writing/math homeschool class. Well, I think I was wrong.

It's not that he actively DISlikes the kids. But both have their issues (on is fairly severely autistic), and I have a bad feeling that they remind him of the kids in his old class. The boy with autism has gone through a lot of ABA, and he is bound and determined to make Tommy his friend by tellin him what to do and how to do it. Tommy, who always appears more "autistic" among other folks with autism, climbs into his shell and simply pretends he's not there.

After the class, he'll say the boy is his friend. Well, that's what he said about all the kids in his class. It took ages to get out of him that he frankly didn't like several of them - and had no great love for ANY of them!

Last week, we went out to lunch after class - and happened to meet up with the more typical boy and his mom. Tom, who is usually the first to open his menu and choose a meal, seemed incapable of handling or reading a menu... unable to carry on even a basic back and forth dialog... or speaking intelligibly to the waiter.

It was like he'd lost five years of skills.

Of course, he was fine shortly after. But what was THAT all about?! Peter says he thinks this little group is dragging Tommy backwards. I'm afraid he's quite right.

Reaching Tommy: The Benefits of Including Others in the Homeschool Journey

2008-01-31T00:29:00.000-05:00

If you had asked me just a few months ago, I would have told you that Tommy hates playing games. He hates board games. He hates sports-type games. He even hates being coached to improve his skills. His dad and I have tried, over and over again, to engage him in ordinary backyard baseball, soccer, frisbee.... no luck. His sister can't get him to play a game of Uno to save her life.

So how come, just yesterday, a couple of instructors at the YMCA were able to get him to spend a solid hour and a half learning to use a tennis racquet, catch a football, throw a frisbee - and practice the crawl, breast stroke, and back stroke? And how come, after all this hard work, Tom turned to me and said of the two young men - "Mike and Eric are awesome?!" This, by the way, was all part of a perfectly ordinary "homeschool gym" class, offered weekly for about $40 for a 6 week session.

I didn't even know he knew the WORD awesome!

It just goes to show what I've said all along: this "mommy instinct" stuff is for the birds. No, I DON'T know exactly what my son needs, how he needs it, how to implement it, and how to "make him better." On the other hand, I'm pretty good at getting directions to the YMCA off google maps... and I did a pretty impressive job of finding a clarinet teacher who could get the best out of him while also having fun!

So... it's not so much instinct as training and perseverance... and, I guess, a willingness to get out of the way sometimes.

A Blogger Award from Canvas Grey!

2008-01-31T00:19:00.000-05:00

How neat to get a prize from The Canvas Grey! Thanks so very much - this blogosphere thing is a ton of fun!

I got another similar award earlier this year from Harold Doherty of Facing Autism in New Brunswick - but hadn't started this blog and couldn't make an "official" announcement on autism.about.com. Here's what Harold had to say about the About.com Autism site:

Notwithstanding her affinity for the neurodiversity perspective and my aversion to that socio-political movement we were able to exchange views rationally on such topics as curing autism, autism realities etc. I give Ms. Rudy most of the credit for that. She has also taken the generous step of referencing my perspective and this blog site on About Autism.com actions which I genuinely appreciate. I thank Ms. Rudy for her calm rational discussion of autism issues with someone from outside the neurodiversity perspective. Ms. Rudy's words about a spectrum of autism perspectives are worth remembering.

Thanks to you, too, Harold!

One of the most complex aspects of the "autism world" is its diversity - and I'm very proud to say that I have friends in all its corners.

Cheers!

Homeschooling Two?!

2008-01-28T20:46:00.000-05:00

Today we had a snowy day, and Sara (Tom's 8 year old NT sister) was home for the day. So we tried homeschooling both of them together.

Reading was no problem - we just had each read aloud to us from books they're involved with (James and the Giant Peach for Tom; Spiderwick for Sara).

But then I thought I'd do some read-aloud reading comprehension exercises with the two of them, taking turns asking them for answers. It was amazing: Tom really had relatively little problem coming up with a credible "main idea" for a paragraph - while Sara was totally lost. He was also quick at getting meanings of words from their contexts - another thing that, in theory, he should have found tough. Sara quickly teared up, got upset, and then ceased to even try.

Then we went to math. There, Sara shone and Tom had trouble - and it was very hard to get Sara to STOP and let her brother take a turn. I noticed that he slipped very quickly into his "if someone else will do the work, why should I pay attention?" mode - and basically stopped listening or attending at all! I was having them count up straws (pretending they were cookies) and then give the same number of cookies to each of five kids (represented by cups). Sara instantly understood that she was to give each "kid" 4 "cookies." Tom, who I'm sure COULD have understood, just turned his brain off!

I'm obviously NOT ready to homeschool both of my kids! What's interesting to me, though, is that Tom only goes into his "I dunno" mode when Sara is standing by to do the work. Sara, though, frustrates to the point of tears with or without Tommy around.

Not quite sure what makes her NT and Tom ASD... except the fact that Sara "gets" people, while Tom lives inside his head much of the time. Is ASD and "daydreamer" the same thing??

Perspective-Taking and the Written Word

2008-01-23T11:32:00.000-05:00

In the last few days, I've asked Tom to do several "perspective-taking" writing projects. It turns out this is remarkably easy for him - especially given that kids with autism are supposed to have a TERRIBLE time with perspective taking. Hm. Maybe it's easier for him to take the perspective of fictional characters than of real people?

The first project was a little piece describing the experiences of Mike Teavee, a character in Charlie and the Chocolate factory. No prob. Tom immediately plunged himself into Mike's P/V, and wrote in the first person about his adventures. It seemed clear that he could have written a good deal more if he'd narrated rather than physically wrote - but he did squeak out a few paragraphs (we're still working on what a paragraph IS, so he needed some help with that). He also needed some prompting to get out the details (what does Mike like best? etc.).

The second project was a letter to James of James and the Giant Peach, offering James ideas on how to get his aunts to treat him better. With NO prompting, Tom wrote a lovely note explaining that James should get away from those aunts and go to New York City! Again, he had a lot more ideas that could have been included had he been narrating versus writing.

He's a good writer.

Now the question is - do I work on grammar and structure? Detailed story-telling? Perspective-taking in real life? Typing versus handwriting? Do I let him narrate while I type? ALL of the above?!!

Or... do I back off of writing (since he's already pretty good, after all) - and focus extra time on math, social skills, fine and gross motor (his weaknesses)? If only the answers were clear cut!

When Imagination Meets A Brick Wall

2008-01-20T20:26:00.000-05:00

People with autism perseverate. I'd never heard the word before Tommy came along - back in the olden days we called it "spinning your wheels," "talking about the same thing over and over," or just plain "being boring."

At first, Tom's perseveration was not really contentful. He'd recite scripts from TV shows... recite poems... or just talk gibberish.

Now, he's really quite imaginative, and I KNOW I should appreciate it. Usually I do! Today, though, I am bored, bored, BORED with Tom's imaginary world.

We're working on a unit about Massachusetts history, and recently traced the path of the Mayflower from "old" to "new" Plymouth. Tom is trying to find a way to turn Massachusetts history into a story about his favorite old pal, Lizard.

Tom: "Lizard has a Mayflower."
Me: "What do you mean? You mean a real Mayflower boat?"
Tom: "Yes, he has a real Mayflower boat, and he sails it with his friends."
Dad: "Tom, the real Mayflower isn't around anymore. It sailed more than 400 years ago!"
Tom: "What happened to the Mayflower?"
Me: "I think it sank."
Tom: "Lizard's Mayflower didn't sink."
Me: "Tom, can't we talk about something real, just for a minute?"
Tom: "OK, OK - the real Mayflower was 400 years ago and it sank in the sea. NOW can we talk about Lizard?"
Me: "Oh, Tom, can we NOT talk about Lizard for a while?"
Tom: "I WANT to talk about LIZARD!"
Me: "I'm going to clear the dishes!"

Now, honestly, this is a pretty great and impressive conversation. It shows that Tom really did understand that the Mayflower was a real ship... that it carried pilgrims to American... that it sank... and that's HUGE! And I know - a good autism Mom would encourage that conversation, build on his interests, and help him get beyond perseveration to real symbolic language and conversation.

But the truth is - Lizard is starting to bore me.

Lizard's always here. ALWAYS. And love him as I might, he gets... a little dull. Lizard has everything. He is all things to all people. He's a great reptile. He even has his faced carved on a mountain (Tom sculpted Lizard's face out of clay and stuck it onto the model mountain he and Dad are building for the model railway). Lizard has a golden palace... a giant hotel... a white and gold train, a sailing ship, a racecar, a restaurant, a playground... you get the picture.

Lizard is the ultimate good guy (unlike his pal Sid, the Skeleton, whose job is to whack badguys in scary, brutal ways).

Lizard is the Superego, Sid is the Id. And Tom's working on finding his own place.

It's not that I don't appreciate Lizard. But I think I need a break.

Tomorrow I'll work on finding more ways to let Lizard come out and play - and help Tom learn math, care about history, and explore literature. Maybe we'll even invite Sid to come out and whack a few baddies.

For tonite, though, it's ENOUGH! Lizard, take a nap!

Homeschool with Friends

2008-01-17T15:11:00.000-05:00

As of this January, Tom's been going to a local tutor two hours a week for some work on math, lanuage comprehension and writing. There are two other kids there at the same time. Both are boys; both are about Tom's age; and both have developmental difficulties. The tutor is lovely, but not particularly experienced in special needs...and while she's a fine teacher, I'm not sure she's a BETTER teacher than I am.

I've been watching to see whether Tom's taking anything away from tutoring that makes a real difference in his education. So far, I can't say that it's been a tremendous learning experience for him - but it's been nice to have that couple of hours free and clear to work... research Tom's next lessons... and generally get out and about. In the back of my mind, though, I've been thinking "this is nice, but probably not worth the money... I guess I'll finish this session and quit."

Today I realized there was more to it.

Though Tom has been in group situations this year - bowling, jazz, and now homeschool gym - he's never really connected with any of those kids. Instead, he's been a sort of bystander to the social experience. I mean - he bowls, he plays clarinet, he swims - and he's not generally unpleasant to the kids around him. He smiles, nods. But that's about it.

Until now.

Today, as we got into the car, Tom said "I like those boys." Then he asked me a question. "Do you think they like me?" Without thinking much about it, I said "Yes, I think they do. They seem to like you fine."

Then I realized - this was another first. Tom has never, ever wondered whether peers liked him or not. At least, he's never voiced the question. In fact, this is the ONLY activity he's doing that seems to help him connect with anyone else! I'm not sure what it is - whether it's the boys, the tutor, or the setting - or just Tom growing up - but something has clicked.

As of today, he may actually have... friends!

Homeschool Gym

2008-01-15T20:25:00.000-05:00

I like the YMCA. Ever since I started working for a client who does fundraising for YMCA's, I've been impressed. They don't just spout values: they teach them. They don't just talk about inclusion: they do it. When I wanted a camp program for kids with autism, I went to the Y. They created one. It wasn't the ultimate therapeutic program - it was a YMCA daycamp that supported kids with autism.

So, even though it's a half-hour drive, I immediately signed up when I saw homeschool gym offered at a nearby YMCA.

And, by golly, my optimism was validated.

These guys are AWESOME. A Y staffer named Mike actually got Tom (and two "typically developing" boys) to "head" soccer balls, pass to team mates, and even try to steal the ball. Then a staffer named Eric got Tom swimming laps, practicing strokes, and taking his turn on the water slide.

True, Tom is a little different... he flaps a bit here and there... he's not the world's best athlete.

But guess what? He actually had a terrific time.

Leaving me TWO HOURS a week to ... oh, say, work out at the YMCA!

Redecorating

2008-01-14T09:45:00.000-05:00

When we moved into our new house on Cape Cod, Peter decided to put up every one of our family photos - in the frames - on a single wall. Then he put up a whole collection of prints and drawings of plants and animals from around the world. Later, he decided he didn't like the look after all - and as a result there are quite a few framed items stacked up against the walls.

Yesterday, we noticed that Tom had picked out a color drawing of a cockatoo (one of his favorite critters) and set it up on his dresser. This was the very first time he had intentionally selected something to decorate his own space - and he is thrilled with his new decor. It felt like a minor breakthrough.

This morning, Tom was - as usual - lounging on the living room couch and flipping through books. Suddenly I noticed that the nail on the wall above his head was no longer empty. Over Tommy's head hung a framed photo of - Tommy! He explained that he had looked through all the pictures and picked that one out because he just thought it was nice.

I'm not quite sure what Tom's new redecorating impulse is all about, but I love it! If nothing else, it means that he is expressing his taste and interests - on his own. What's more, he's making it clear that he has chosen to take some ownership of and responsbility for his own home.

Very cool indeed.

Now: how can we turn his new interest in interior decorating into a homeschool project? I have a few ideas...

When It Comes to Homeschool and Autism - What's the Goal?

2008-01-13T12:05:00.001-05:00

This question has really been plaguing me recently. Many homeschool books (and educational advocates) say you should have a vision for your child. You know - that he should achieve X by Y time... that he should have these skills, live this type of life, etc. That way, even if the vision changes, you can still measure your progress based on SOMETHING.

I resisted this idea for the longest time, becaue the whole idea of "steering" my kids just got under my skin. But for Tommy, it does seem important to know what I'm pushing toward.

One day, I think "this child has what it takes to be a real musician. and it's up to me and his dad to find the opportunities and to push him forward." When I think that way, I focus on getting him to the point where he can really manage situations independently; pass tests; manage people; and, of course, excel in music. I look for ensemble groups, and imagine preparing him for auditions for the Boston Symphony Youth Orchestra.

The next day I think, "if this child can just carry on a conversation for more than two exchanges without reverting to a monologue about his imaginary lizard, it will be a miracle!" Then I focus on social skills training, life skills, and teaching "math you can use."

So which is it? And it's not good enough to see "let's see where life takes him," because we're the folks in charge of deciding what life will actually OFFER!

One big problem with having specific goals (like music school) is that it assumes certain passions on Tom's part that I'm not sure are there. Sure, he enjoys playing clarinet, and he's better than the average 5th grader. But it's not because of a passion for music (at least I don't think it is). Rather, I believe he plays well because he has perfect pitch, and because he enjoys practicing. And he seems to enjoy practicing mostly because it's an anxiety-reducing activity. It reduces anxiety because he KNOWS what it takes to get the music right.

But he doesn't play piano or clarinet on his own. We always have to tell him it's time. He's always a little reluctant to go to lessons, or to the "hot jazz group."

So is it just a hobby? Or is it a career direction? Should we be pushing the life skills - or the academics? Should we be coaching him to fit expectations - or to follow his own path? I know that all these things are important, but a schedule that includes EVERYTHING could give us all anxiety attacks!

Bottom line: when it comes to homeschool and autism, what matters most?

Homeschool Blues

2008-01-12T20:08:00.001-05:00

OK, I've been busy. But that's not really why I've been remiss about posting on this blog. The real reason is... I've been working to put together a better, more focused program for Tom, and running into no end of frustrations.

We'll be starting a homeschool gym program at the YMCA in Wareham next week - and I must admit I'm nervouse... who knows whether he'll integrate into the group, manage the pressure of uncertainty, or submit to swim lessons when he already has a basic grasp of how to get from one end of the pool to the other?

He's started a "tutoring" program two hours a week with two other boys... one is autistic, the other just "different" - and already I'm wondering whether it was really the right choice. He does ok, but the teacher is not particularly animated - and Tom just sorta wonders about the kids but barely interacts.

He's back in "Hot Jazz," playing clarinet - but after last fall's concerts, where he did beautifully but was basically ignored by teachers and kids (and did his own very impressive job of ignoring everyone around him except to play his music), I can't say I'm terrifically excited...

He's continuing in his bowling league and bowling well, but he continues to use two hands (no one else cares, but we do) - and has yet to say a word on his own to another human being.

We've stopped speech therapy for the time being, because the therapist is working with us as a "thinking coach" - but while she's brilliant, it's also very hard indeed for me to really make sense of how to integrate her ideas into our program.

I'm using Math Mammoth as a math program, and while I like its intense drills and I think Tom's doing well with it, I also know that he COULD be doing more advanced calculation with Touch Math - and I'm totally conflicted. I wake up at night worrying about this!

I'm using comprehension review questions from EdHelper for language arts - and he does just great (just finished Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). But since all the questions are who/what/when/where questions, and he's seen the movie 50 times, I'm not sure that's much of an accomplishment.

In short - I'm wondering whether I really have a clue as to whether I'm doing a particularly good job at teaching, choosing curricula, or even managing our schedules.

Meanwhile, Tom and Peter have been working on an indoor train layout.... building a mountain of papier mache and plaster. It's a great art project, but I had somehow imagined something more integrated and richer.

Part of the problem is that we're really struggling to find the time to plan out much of ANYthing: we're each trying to earn a full-time living in our "off" hours, and I simply can't afford to have my clients feel that they're anything but my first priority... Don't want the house to be a disaster area, or make dinner from a box, or sleep on dirty sheets, or ignore Sara's requests to read aloud or play board games... and every night I fall into bed like a lump.

Not sure where all this is leading... I'm assuming that my spirits will rise as the spring comes closer?!

Miss Prickles

2007-12-09T21:45:00.000-05:00

Tom is a natural with animals. His special interests within the animal kingdom are sea creatures; reptiles; and a few selected individual species (penguins, hedgehogs, pigeons, skunks...). I've often imagined that he could grow into a job involving work with animals - anything from zoo keeper to animal researcher to naturalist.

Having worked in the museum world for so many years, and seen so many young kids thrive in that rather unusual environment, I've hoped that Tom could find a volunteer opportunity in such a setting. Of course, he's only 11 - so I hadn't pushed much so far. Besides, in Philadelphia most of the opportunities are at larger institutions which can have their pick of volunteers - and a preteen with autism isn't most people's idea of the ideal volunteer.

Here on Cape Cod, though, there are fewer kids - and quite a few scientific and naturalist organizations that run year round. I'd heard good things about a local nature center in Sandwich - and a few weeks ago, when I had a lot of deadlines to hit, I asked Peter to take Tom over to Sandwich to a little live animal show. Tom was the oldest homeschooler there (most were 3-7 years old), which made it perfect for him.

The naturalist introduced the group to Miss Prickles, a real hedgehog - and Tom immediately connected with her. He also met a few other small mammals, all of which he told me about eagerly when he got home.

Of course, Tom has had many, many opportunities to meet and greet live animals. We have two cats, of whom he is extremely fond (and the affection is returned!). He's petted an anaconda, held a Madagascar hissing cockroad, chatted with a macaw... but this was the first time that the staff member actually mentioned that they would be open to young volunteers turning up on a regular basis to help feed and exercise the critters.

This may be a very real opportunity for us: the first time that Tommy has been asked to take responsiblity for a living thing outside himself. And the first time that he'll be made responsible for something outside of his own daily activities.

Fingers crossed that we can work it out - hopefully starting next January.

Surveying for the Homeschool Garden Railway

2007-11-28T16:49:00.000-05:00

Long before we actually started homeschooling, Peter promised to work with Tom on a real (small scale) garden railway. We'd seen fabulous garden railways at the Morris Arboretum in Philadelphia and the Brandywine Museum in Chadds Ford - and both guys were very gung ho to create their own. As you can see from the photo of the Morris layout, they have BIG ideas!

Since I'm no railroader, I've left the entire project to Peter, and had no clear idea what he had planned. Last week, the two guys got started - and it's turned out to be a wonderful project so far. Tom, of course, perseverates on trains - but that gives him the motivation he needs to really engage for more than just a short while.

To start with, the two of them went out into our wooded backyard, and drove wooden stakes into the ground at intervals to represent the path that the railway will take.

Next, they drew a picture of the track, and added in existing features such as rocks and plants.

They then measured the distances between the stakes, using a tape measure. Tom did the measuring and called out the numbers; Peter noted them on the map.

Lastly, the added together all the measurements to come up with the perimeter of the track (the length of track to be purchased).

Unfortunately, it turns out that good quality outdoor track costs MUCH more than we anticipated! So the guys will have to practice their skills on indoor track for now - and save up (another homeschool project?!) for the outdoor system...

On the Virtues of Dirty Laundry and Moonbounces

2007-11-16T17:20:00.000-05:00

As kids get older, their interactions get more complicated. Instead of "run around like maniacs screaming," they play tag. Instead of "whack the ball and run around like maniacs screaming," they play baseball. For Tom, the running games - with their lack of rules or specific expectations - are just great. So are any activities that involve intense sensory input (crashing games, bouncing games, and so forth). Tom is a sensory craver, and has very little fear of getting hurt!

Rule-heavy sports and complex "read my mind" games (and tag counts as one of these) make him anxious - and so he just wanders off. Even "soccer for aspies" turned out to be too much, too complex, and had too few supports built in. I don't think the coaches understood how clear, simple, and basic the instruction needed to be...

A few years ago, we joined the YMCA - and got Tom involved with swimming. He became a competent swimmer fairly quickly, and we became regulars at family swim on winter weekends. The same Y featured a "family activity room," where kids could bounce on a moon bouncer, crawl through a space maze, and play in a ball pit. We noticed that Tom could bounce and crawl with the best of them - and rarely had an issue of any significance. In fact, these rule-free, fun-for-all games were great equalizers.

For his 5th, 6th and 7th birthdays, therefore, we rented a moonbouncer. And it was a great choice. Sara did the same - and it meant that Tom could interact with Sara's peers without comment from parents or concern from us.

But while all these sensory games were great, they provided very little opportunity to learn game-playing or social skills. After all - outside of getting out of the way of other kids - there's no need for turn-taking, negotiation, or even physical skill. Bowling has helped with some of that - but still, we have seen almost no real interaction with team mates (not that they're big on interacting, but still!).

To help a bit with overcoming isolation, we arranged with a neighbor family to send their kids to us early in the morning. We drop their kids at the bus, and their kids and our kids get hours a week to play and interact. Of course, we're busy in the early morning - and not really focused on managing or encouraging interaction. Still, we've seen some positive signs from Tom, who will at least say good morning and NOT disappear to his room.

A few days ago, it was wash day. Both kids love to help strip the beds - because I roll them up in sheets, drop pillows on their heads, and shove them into laundry baskets (can you say sensory craving??). Now that we have a loft, I can also pitch dirty laundry and pillows from a height - even more fun!

The neighbor kids arrived as my kids had figured out how much fun it was to run upstairs, drop blankets and pillows on the other kid, and then do it all over again. The neighbors joined in the fun - and Tom actually played along. He took his turn carrying, dropping, and lying on the floor for pillow crashes. He used his silly voice to pretend to be crunched under the blankets. He joined in the "drop it on ME" choruses. In short, he really, truly, played along.

I can't say that this had led to deep friendships - or even to more than one or two conversational exchanges. But it's a start. And one thing that Dr. Greenspan wrote has stuck in my mind for years: if your child has done something once, that means he can do it. So it turns out - with or without the benefits of dirty laundry - the ability is there. Now it's up to us to help him build from that basic ability... perhaps even to the point where he can connect on a personal level with folks outside of us.

Alter Egos

2007-11-12T09:18:00.000-05:00

When Tom was in kindergarten and first grade, his teacher used a "token economy" to encourage positive behavior. This is common in most elementary classes: you earn smilies, stones, stickers, check marks, and so forth to earn individual or group rewards. This particular teacher had a treasure chest of little toys and candies from which a child could choose at the end of a successful day or week. Tommy consistently chose little plastic skeletons, which he carried with him everywhere.

When he graduated first grade, the skeletons started disappearing (into the wash, down the tub drain, and so on). Worried, we scoured the web for replacements, and found them at Oriental Trading. They seemed a bit pricey (about $5) - but we needed them. I ordered four.

Little did I know the price was per gross.

For several years, we kept four gross of little skeletons hidden in the basement, handing out replacements and "cousins" from time to time. Tom named his skeleton pals; his best skeleton buddy became "Sid" (named for the sloth in the movie Ice Age).

Sid became Tom's alter ego. He had a separate voice and personality, and would often talk for Tom. If Tom wouldn't answer a question, you could ask Sid - and he often knew the answer. Over time, Sid became a force for justice, much like Superman. He could rally Darth Vader and his minions to become good guys in the cause of justice. He built himself a castle (Sara painted the picture) with hundreds of rooms and turrets. There, the skeleton armies munched on bones, watched TV, and prepared to do battle with evil.

Sid became fiercer and fiercer, finally becoming almost a good-guy thug who would be called to knock heads together. He was especially active in Tom's version of the story of James and the Giant Peach - in which James' two aunts (who are satisfyingly smooshed by the peach in the Roald Dahl version) are instead attached by skeleton armies!

In the past year or so, Sid's star has started to set in favor of a much gentler, more creative spirit - lizard. Lizard, like Sid, can talk for Tom - but is far more social, and seems much more ingenious about managing difficult situations. Rather than calling forth the forces of darkness, lizard is more inclined to use his special magic (which seems to be mostly focused on managing others' behaviors and moods) to make bad people good, angry people happy, and so forth.

What's especially wonderful about lizard is that he is ready, willing and able to create special places in his own world (apparently he has unlimited cash and resources!) where others can be comfortable and at home. He created a wet, sandy place where a mother sea turtle could lay her eggs safely (so long as she didn't make a mess) - and then treated her little ones to a restaurant meal of seaweed. He build a beautiful, glass, egg-shaped house with a stone porch and metal railings for a whole collection of big cats (lions, tigers and leopards).

I'm hopeful that we can find a way to help Tommy find himself in Lizard. Clearly, he KNOWS that it's possible to do for and think about others and their needs - and to come to the rescue for those in need. He understands the joy of sharing - but only through his imagination.

How to pull Tommy out of Lizard - that's the puzzle.

Men Versus Women

2007-11-10T19:45:00.000-05:00

In recent weeks, we've become more and more certain of something we'd guessed at for a long time: Tommy almost always learns better from men than from women.

My theory is that women are much more focused than men on building a relationship. So they work hard to figure out what makes Tommy happy ... and they work equally hard at making sure they don' t upset him. Tommy, no dummy, has figured out how to work that to his advantage. He opens his big brown eyes with the long long lashes and says "does this mean you're ANGRY with me?" To which the wonderful, supportive women in his life say "oh NO, Tommy, I'm not angry with you" - and they immediately back off.

Tom is delighted, since he's not being challenged or pushed. Everyone is happy. But Tommy has learned very little except how to "manage" yet another teacher.

Men, on the other hand, seem more focused on getting across an idea, a skill, or a technique. Rathering than gazing deeply into Tommy's eyes, they simply say "okay, let's go!" And Tom rises to the challenge. So far, he's done far better with male therapists (with the sole exception of our present wonderful - female - therapist!), male swim teachers, male camp counselors, male music teachers. Of course, like most young children, he's never had a male school teacher, so I can't speak to that.

This week, though, we finally decided he'd snowed his lovely (female) piano teacher enough. We're sticking with clarinet and the very straightforward male teacher we've chosen - who has already pushed Tom to do much more than we'd hoped for. We're sticking with the jazz ensemble, where the band leader really doesn't care whether Tom is autistic or not - so long as he keeps up with the group (so far so good). And we're "trying out" a male math tutor this coming week.

Maybe I have the wrong idea about gender differences. After all, in general women really are more pragmatic than men. But in the case of Tom and his autism, it seems that gentle, kind, careful instruction just doesn't cut it - he needs high expectations and - it seems - very little attention paid to his so-called "disabilities."

Engineering

2007-11-07T15:10:00.000-05:00

Tommy has been collecting Thomas Tank Engine toys for too many years now; as a result, he has an impressive collection. At first, he simply lined up the tracks in a straight line, lined up his engines along the track, placed his eye at engine level, and peered along the lineup. Over time, he became much more ingenious about his track layouts; now he not only creates complex layouts, but also finds unique ways to show off his engines.

Last year, he got interested in the idea of creating a "model adventure" layout featuring elevated Thomas tracks running around the living room. He tried over and over to get the tracks to hang together with supports under them, but they're just not built to do that. Peter taped a length of track to a 2X4, which Tom could then suspend between two piles of blocks - but the whole endeavor was very unsatisfying.

We tried interesting him other, more "appropriate" building materials - legos, Kn'ex, and so forth - but he couldn't wrap his brain around the idea that he was to use a blueprint to build the cool toy on the box. In fact, he couldn't even work out the process of connecting one K'nex to another (which, frankly, isn't as easy as it might be!). Instead, he squirreled away the little bits and pieces ... and over time it became clear that we were contributing at great expense to a pile o' junk.

But Tom continues to have an interest in engineering and building. We had given him a marble maze, which decided to build a full story high - and lean up against a wall. But that wasn't good enough. He wanted something bigger. His Dad, who is amazingly talented at going with the moment and inspiring perfect teachable moments, decided that now would be a great time to build that giant marble maze. We have dozens of cardboard tubes (long story), and together they designed and build a TWO-story high marble tube that starts at the old plastic maze, continues across the top of a wall (suspended by string on hooks) and then continues over the loft and down to the floor below.

In the first photo (below) you can see the tubes, connected by masking tape and suspended by string, running above the two windows in the loft.

This (below) is the looooong tube that runs from the loft down to the floor below. At the very bottom there's a bucket to catch the marbles. The bucket has a string attached, so the kids can haul the marbles back up. It's a big hit with visiting pals!

I'd love to see this "maze" expanded, but so far Tom seems happy as a clam with a system that's very close to being a simple chute... It's becoming more and more clear to me that the things I love (complex marble mazes, for example) may not be of any interest at all to Tom... Bummer.

Problems with Patterns

2007-11-04T16:25:00.000-05:00

Tommy's autism means that when he learns something, he learns exactly that thing that he is taught. For example, when he learns math with manipulatives, he learns to use manipulatives. He doesn't learn the theory behind the manipulatives. He doesn't learn to substitute symbols for manipulatives. And so, without the manipulatives, he has no clue what to do.

This is becoming more and more of an issue as we work on multiplication. Yes, he can now use charts which he made himself (by skip-counting) to do multiplication of single numbers through the tens tables. And he can multiply a double-digit number by a single digit number with no carrying. This is WAY more than he could do at the end of last year.

BUT - he still doesn't seem to really understand why he can do what he can do.

For example - he created his 2 times chart by putting an X on every other number. So when he sees 2X10, he simply counts ten X's, and when he's done - his finger is on the 20. He's solved the problem, and puts down the right number. But he doesn't actually know how to skip-count by twos. I know this because I've made sequencing worksheets for him - and he has a terrible time with them.

I've showed him the pattern: 0, 2, 4, 6, 8, 0. He can get that pattern and repeat it, saying twenty TWO, twenty FOUR, twenty SIX twenty EIGHT. But he still doesn't understand that 30 comes next. Instead, he says "zero."

If I hand him his chart, he reads it accurately - but again, he's just reading it, not understanding it.

I'd love to be able to say "if he can solve the problem, what difference does it make how well he understands the process?" But I'm pretty sure that it matters. These are basic, simple patterns - patterns that should be self-evident. But they're opaque to Tom.

Art

2007-11-03T13:40:00.001-04:00

Tom has always been a wonderful patron of the arts. He learned the Philadelphia Museum of Art by heart, with his favorite rooms being the Asian Art galleries, Contemporary galleries, and - not surprisingly - the museum shop! He has a real interest in cubism, and can identify Krishna, Buddha and Ganesh anywhere!

Unfortunately, school art classes didn't do much for Tom. He enjoyed the little crafts, but they were specifically designed to avoid any creative input... and he has relatively poor drawing skills. He showed an interest in building, and we tried giving him legos, Kn'ex, and other building toys - but he has rarely used them to build.

Instead, he squirrels them away in his pockets along with other bits of junk. Then, he creates "sculptures" by attaching these bits of junk to one another with various bits of string, wire and ribbon.

We wanted to find a way to encourage his interest in art and sculpture and and at the same time channel his "thing collecting" so that we could minimize the piles of pen caps, bottle lids and other paraphernalia with which he's filled his drawers.

We started by buying a cabinet with many little drawers, and labeling each drawer with a different color. He now has a place to store his junk. Then, we worked together to come up with some specific art projects that could incorporate the junk. Our first effort, based on a piece of art at the Heritage Plantation in Sandwich, MA, looks like this:

We're now working on decorating at Atat (Star Wars walker) which Tom and his dad built from cardboard tubes (we have a ton of these!). Tom has some very large projects in mind - and the Great Garden Railway, I hope, will give him a terrific outlet.

Meanwhile, I am hoping to work together with members of the local homeschool community to put together a homeschool (and siblings) art show for the winter months. With luck, Tom's sculptures will get a little interest and recognition. And - who knows? Maybe a local gallery will take him on LOL!

Social Studies and Geography

2007-11-01T17:04:00.000-04:00

We were furious with the public schools for the fact that they did absolutely NOTHING for our kids with autism in the way of teaching about maps, geography, history or culture. They would occasionally hand out a printable sheet on George Washington or Martin Luther King (in keeping with the holidays) - but these were disjointed bits of fluff - and meant nothing to Tommy (or, frankly, to us).

We had asked specifically to have map skills included in Tom's IEP - but were told that it was not appropriate to include it because... it wasn't a measurable skill (we assured them that it is)... it's not a core skill (we insisted that it is)... and, basically, they didn't wanna. We did a little bit with Google Earth and globes - but he was still waaay behind in that area.

At the very beginning of the school year, on our first trip to Staples, I picked up a map of the US and a map of the Earth. I also downloaded a bunch of printable maps from Enchanted Learning, and looked for ways to incorporate maps, geography, history and culture into our curriculum.

Whales and whaling was a great topic for this: we looked at maps of Cape Cod and the islands... found Nantucket, the Stellwagon Banks (where whales congregate all summer), New Bedford, and maps of whale migrations. We charted the migratory path of the gray whale on a map of North America, identifying Canada, Mexico, and all the states along the west coast.

I also found a website for a book called "You Wouldn't Want to Work on the Whaling Ship Essex," which is an interactive version of a kids' book by the same name. We read it together, and learned about whaling, uses of whale oil and baleen, where whales were hunted, what whaling ships were like, and so forth. I got him to think about the ethics of whaling, and he wrote his very first opinion piece on the subject (no, the whalers were not "bad guys," but nowadays we watch whales instead of hunting them!).

I asked Tom to pick a whale to learn more about, and he picked the Orca (killer whale). So we watched Free Willy and wrote a little bit about that... read up on orcas... charted their range (they live virtually everywhere)... found out about their diets and lifestyles... found a bunch of photos... and created an Orca poster. We discovered (no surprise) that he had exactly zero skills in skimming a table of contents, using an index, or taking notes - so we began teaching some of those skills (there's a looong way to go!).

Tom enjoyed creating the poster, but the truth is that he doesn't yet have the executive skills to come up with headers, lay them out, and organize the information. So we found the info together; he typed it up, I did a lot of the layout. Then Tom glued everything down - and voila! His very first presentation poster.

At the end of the unit, we took a trip to the New Bedford Whaling Museum (less than an hour away). One of the great things about Tommy is that he has no idea that loving museums is uncool - and he is actually able and willing to spend hours poring over artifacts and art! He was especially interested in the huge skeleton of the baby blue whale, model whaling ships, and a few painting of whalers harpooning whales. He identified harpoons, and learned about different equipment used on the ships. They even had a 1/2 scale model of a whaling ship (under construction, so we could look but couldn't climb aboard) and an interior model of a whaler where kids could "sleep" in whalers' berths.

After the museum, we had lunch - then took a stroll down to the harbor, climbed aboard a schooner, checked out the scallop dredgers, and looked at the big fishing boats and barges... all in all, a good day.

We have a very long way to go, though, before Tom is able to put the unit into historic context - or really read a map properly. To that end, we do a few worksheets from time to time... I bought a US states puzzle... but I'm guessing the breakthrough will happen when he and his dad begin mapping out their plans for the Great Garden Railway!

Music

2007-10-31T21:38:00.000-04:00

When Tommy was seven years old, a friend of ours made us a gift of a clarinet. Tommy was intrigued, and seemed interested in learning to play. So... I embarked on a multi-month process of looking for a teacher who would teach clarinet to a seven year old with autism and significant "behaviors."

We were lucky to find a very young woman who really didn't mind taking on a "different" student. In fact, she was already teaching a young teen with Asperger syndrome - and seemed to be taking it in stride. So Tom started learning.

His teacher thought, since he was so young (and we had a piano in the house) that she'd teach him a little piano at the same time. For the first months, Tommy basically shoved toys in to the bell of the clarinet - but he could blow it correctly, played a few notes, and seemed to really enjoy piano.

The down side was that he point blank refused to play ANYthing new in his lessons. So his teacher taught me - and I coaxed Tom - and he'd come to the next lesson with his new music pretty well learned. It was clear that he had a good ear, and over time he really got pretty proficient. What's more, he's never had a moment of stage fright - so has appeared in concerts, recitals and even talent shows over the years.

Last year, he started in 4th grade band - with me or Peter sitting next to him at every rehearsal and performance. He didn't need us for moral support - or even to help him cope with the timpani and cymbals located two inches from his head. He just needed a little extra help in staying focused on the music, finding the right measure, and flipping to the right page quickly.

Since music seems to be Tom's real talent and point of pride, we've put a lot of energy into helping him do well. Not long ago, Peter actually arranged for us to get a private backstage tour of the Kimmel Center in Philadelphia - and Tom got to play on the stage! (I think this may have been the first and last time such a thing was allowed... evidently the union was not thrilled.)

So before we arrived on Cape Cod, we did a lot of research to find him a clarinet teacher, a piano teacher, and an opportunity to play in some kind of ensemble. We found an older man with a tremendous talent and a great teaching style to work with Tom on clarinet. He has a piano teacher who seems to "get" him.

And he's playing with the 5th and 6th grade students at the middle school in a group called "hot jazz." With great courage, Peter simply told Tom to go ahead and sit up on the stage with the rest of the clarinets - and he did! From what we can tell (watching from the seats) he's handling it just fine. Of course, he practices his pieces with his private teacher - who can help him learn any new notes, new techniques, and so forth. And he's doing it! Of course, he has yet to exchange a single word or smile with another band member... but he's there. He's playing. And though he appears shy, he's very much a part of the band.

Last month, we learned from the clarinet teacher that Tom, who has a terrible time reading music (we have to label much of it with letters) and an even worse time reading half, whole and quarter notes, has perfect pitch. Now he's learning most of his music by ear: repeating and playing along with his teacher.

We are fondly hoping that, in a couple of years, he'll be able to play with the town band - which does march tunes and the like in the harborside band shell. And to be honest, I think he'll be able to do it! It's nice to have fond - and reasonably realistic - hopes and dreams for our boy... just like any other mom and dad.

Team-Teaching on the Home Front

2007-10-28T10:16:00.000-04:00

When we decided to homeschool, my husband Peter and I planned to split the work more or less evenly. Since we're both self-employed, the idea made sense. And since I'm a "morning person" and he's an "evening person," we figured that he'd teach mornings while I worked and I'd teach afternoons while he worked.

The best made plans of mice and men ...

It sounded good. But within the first two weeks of Sara's school year we said "yes" to having two neighbor children come over at about 7:15 - so they could take the bus with Sara and avoid early care at school. This is actually a great plus: Sara is connecting with a same-age, same-gender neighbor, and Tom is actually becoming comfortable with peers (albeit younger peers).

But. It meant that my early morning work was really very hard to put into place. Accompanied by the fact that it's really a lot of fun (and good exercise) to go to the bottom of the steep hill with the kids and then climb up again. AND the fact that on beautiful days it's really a LOT more fun to walk to the harbor than it is to get to work.

Then, it became clear that video work (my husband's business) does not work around our schedules. Nor, of course, do all of my writing clients!

Sigh.

What we have learned, though, is that it's not as tough to work around one another as I thought. I'm good at "big picture" thinking, so have been putting together overall curricula; creating math worksheets and printing out printables; setting up field trips, and so forth. But Peter is great in the moment - and can help Tommy move forward on some of his ideas like "making a robot" (they made it out of cardboard and junk), engineer complicated marble mazes, and come up with innovative teaching techniques.

My idea - at least for now - is to plan each week as we go along. I do the more formal teaching (for the most part) - and Peter takes over for "science," "art," and "gym." Sometimes we switch - and then it's up to me to have specific ideas and work in place. So far, it's working out well, but it's hard to know what will happen if Peter (or I) suddenly become extremely busy.

I can only assume that we'll get very tired!

Candlepin Bowling

2007-10-27T12:25:00.000-04:00

New England has a unique tradition called Candlepin Bowling. Unlike traditional bowling, it involves the use of a small, light ball and candle-shaped pins. The bowler gets three tries at knocking the pins down, and can use the fallen pins to whack those pins that are still standing.

We first discovered the fun of candlepin bowling on vacation in Maine - and it was one of the first times that Tommy actually PLAYED a game without melting down or walking away. When we started vacationing on Cape Cod, we always made time for the game.

So... this fall, with some trepidation, we signed Tommy up for the junior league at a friendly local bowling alley.

This is one of those situations in which we felt that Tom really OUGHT to be involved in a sport (just like everyone else). In part, I'm sure, this is a matter of peer pressure (pressure from OUR peers, not Tom's). But I'd tried Tom in team sports like soccer and baseball, and even when it was a "special" program, he found it very anxiety-producing. The need to track other players, follow their actions, and then jump in accordingly was, quite simply, too much.

Still, though, Tom has a good eye for bowling, and he's a fairly accomplished swimmer. He can walk forever, too. So with homeschooling giving us so much flexibility, we're building on those choices. So far, bowling is not a bad choice: he likes the game, learned quickly to cope without the "bumpers," and bowls a creditable 50-60 points per game (sometimes two-handed, sometimes one-handed).

I can't say it's a social bonanza: Tommy keeps to himself, the other kids are pretty uninterested in socializing anyway. But for a first league experience it could be much, much worse.

Writing: Meet Lizard

2007-10-26T21:10:00.001-04:00

Tommy has a dear friend named Lizard. As you can see, Lizard wears ladies' underwear. Outside of that unusual quirk, Lizard is quite a guy. He's a social butterfly; an entrepreneur; and an adventurer. Lizard's best friend, Frilled Lizard, joins Lizard daily for a glass of watermelon juice at a table at Lizard's restaurant. Other patrons include various bobcats, siamese cats, lions, and characters from almost every movie and book Tom has ever seen or read. Lizard caters to them all.

The restaurant is on the bottom floor of Lizard's building, where he has a penthouse suite. The view is wonderful: he can see his own boat, train, and car.

Today, Lizard and his friends took the houseboat to Nova Scotia, where they met up with the Harbor Master from the Theodore Tugboat series. There, they had a long chat about provisioning the boat; compared the merits of various research subs; and got directions to the nearest butcher's shop (where Lizard could purchase sausages for his cat friends aboard).

I think they're heading out to sea, but I'm not sure.

It occured to me that we could combine keyboarding with fiction writing by turning Tommy loose on the computer to write Lizard stories. So far, he has been very enthusiastic about this - though his handling of the narrative arc (not to mention spelling and grammar) leaves a great deal to be desired.

I have a feeling that, after another couple of weeks, we will be in desperate need of illustrations. So far, for example, Lizard and friends have taken a "pop car" on a "huge mettal thing" to the 7th floor, Room L. I'm not quite sure what that means - but I am absolutely sure that Tommy has an amazing, rich, and wonderful imagination!

Homeschool and Life Skills

2007-10-26T17:01:00.000-04:00

Someone, somewhere, noted that homeschooling parents had less to worry about when it came to finding time for household chores - because they could be included as a part of the homeschool experiences. That sounded great to me, especially because (a) Tom needs a LOT of work on life skills ranging from making a sandwich to tying a shoe and (b) I'd just as soon hit the grocery store early in the day and (c) I could easily envision turning ordinary errands into teaching opportunities.

I put "errands" on a couple of Tom's schedule cards, and indeed we've been shopping during school hours with the idea of making that part of his educational program.

When I first thought about this, I envisioned having Tommy write up the grocery list; use a calculator to keep track of purchases; clip coupons and match them with items; plan meals and put together ingredient lists; and much more. So far, though, I haven't gotten that elaborate.

He does search for items among crowded shelves; choose and find his favorite types of cereal and apples; read and cross off items from the grocery list; pack and unpack groceries; and occasionally work toward the goal of making his very own PB&J. But I hadn't reckoned on how tough it might be to actually plan for and make time for turning ordinary chores into teachable moments!

Of course, I COULD teach him to scrub toilets, sort and wash laundry; make beds and more. And I really do intend to do all that! But the thought of how much longer it will take to do the basic chores is really a bit depressing.

The truth is, I went into homeschooling in part to satisfy my own interests and curiosities. And one of the realities I'm facing is that Teaching Tommy is about... Tommy. Who is a very different person from me! His interests, needs, and preferences are not my own - yet homeschooling Tom will now be a huge part of what I do each day.

I guess the challenge will be finding opportunities for both of us to have fun and grow - each in our own way - while keeping the goal (teaching TOMMY) in mind. I guess we could read a LITTLE non-fiction from time to time... LOL!

To be fair, though, he really is learning from the simpler form of the shopping experience. He's much more aware of what's involved in preparing for and doing the shopping. Even better, he's volunteering to bag and carry grocery bags, and he's not half bad at it.

Reading and Writing: A First Step

2007-10-25T13:55:00.001-04:00

Tom's always been pretty good at decoding phonics and words - and has been at about grade level in his ability to read aloud. Thus, based on the usual "focus on deficits" approach so common in public schools, Tom has never been asked to do much reading at all. In the county program, teachers used a Harcourt reader exclusively, along with the accompanying workbook.

In fact, the readings in the book were pretty good - as far as they went. But at age 10, Tom had never read anything more challenging than a picture book selection in a Harcourt reader. What's really worse, though, he had never been asked to WRITE anything more challenging than a one-page book report (fill in the blanks template). We occasionally got assignments from the Harcourt workbook, and I realized that whoever wrote the templates had not actually read the stories.

Tom had worked for weeks on a story about Balto, the sled dog who led the team that brought vaccines to Nome Alaska during a snowstorm. He loved the story (it was a good one), but there was no attempt to discuss the story, connect it to a map of Alaska, or write about it. Instead, he had a fill-in-the-blank template that asked "what is the problem in the story?" Hm. What IS the problem? Is it the sick people in Nome? the snow storm? the problems encountered along the way? In fact, the question made no sense!

So... in an attempt to instantly surpass public school, we started Tom reading chapter books right off the bat - something he'd never done.

He really enjoyed his first selection - "The Worst Witch," and had no problem reading through each chapter. He had no problem remembering what had happened in the prior chapter. He had a little trouble with the cultural differences in the book (the writer is British).

BUT.

In the book, the heroine one-ups another little witch by doing a better job on a spell. The other witch, jealous, casts a spell on the heroine's broom. As a result, the heroine makes a muck-up of a big event, embarrassing herself and drawing anger from her teacher and head-of-school. Distraught, she decides to run away - only to discover a secret plot by evil witches to take over the school. She turns the bad witches into snails and brings them back to her head mistress. She saves the day! Meanwhile, the jealous little witch sees the error of her ways and repents.

Tommy undertood approximately 10% of this story. He didn't grasp the idea of one-upping a classmate. He didn't grasp the jealousy motive. He couldn't figure out why the heroine didn't know who put the spell on her broom. He knew that she was sad because she had mucked up the event, but didn't understand why she wanted to run away. In short, his autism - and social delays - made even a simple chapter book too complex to understand.

He did write a book report - and I used a premade template from the Education World website (never again - but it helped get me started!). He could do the basics: author, illustrator, main characters, setting, "what is this book about" with minimal prompting. He could outline the basic plot. But he really couldn't go much further than that.

Since then, we've turned to simpler characters and motivations in books that are actually a little too "easy" in terms of reading level, but about right in terms of complexity: Magic Treehouse Books and simple chapter books like "The Littles" which are all plot and almost no character development.

My challenge: how to build an intellectual scaffolding so that he can begin to identify and at least make sense of subtler characters than "bad guy" "good guy" - even if he can't fully empathize with their feelings and motivations.

Suggestions are requested!

Nature Walks: Why Cape Cod Was a Good Choice

2007-10-24T19:11:00.001-04:00

We live on top of a steep hill, about 1/2 mile from a beautiful little harbor (and about 1.5 miles from an even more beautiful beach/tidal marsh area). Every day, we walk down the hill with our kids (and two neighbors' kids) so that Sara can catch the school bus. At the crest of the hill, we can see the bay... the boats... and the Massachusetts mainland.

On one of our first homeschooling days, we decided to keep walking after the bus came - and visit the harbor. I thought it would be a chance to reconnect with the water and the boats...watch the fishermen... maybe throw a line in the water.

But Tom had other ideas.

The first day, he found six geese, a cormorant (looks like a snake in the water with its long, curved neck), a school of silversides, a crab, a bunch of mussels, and a crab in a crab trap.

On the second day, he found shrimp, scallops, and an american eel.

Since then, he's found an array of sea birds, mollusks, fish... and three baby eels. He even saw a scallop scooting along the bottom of the harbor.

One day - it was a full moon - the tide was so high that he couldn't go under the dock to observe his favorite pigeons in their nest. Another day the tide was so low that the traps attached to the dock were sitting on dry land.

I kept looking at the boats and people - but for Tom it was all about everything else... We went for walks so that I could explore the architecture and envy the faboo waterfront homes. Tommy observed the eel grass, the juvenile fish colonies and the baby crabs.

On Monday, a "day off" (for Sara's in-service day at school), we went to the beach with a clear container and a magnifying glass. Sara collected snails and hermit crabs, and we watched them scramble to get out (they didn't make it). We observed their tiny claws and antennae, and saw their eyeballs for the first time.

At first I came back with serious intentions. I made Tom make a sort of graph showing what we'd seen and how many of them, on which day. After two days I was sick of it - and he didn't seem to see the point.

Another day, after a farm visit and longer walk, I had Tom write up a "my trip to the farm" essay. This went a lot better: he wrote a full couple of pages describing the experience - far more than he'd ever written before! It wasn't grammatical, but it was copious and (I think!) heartfelt.

For the last few days, we've collected leaves and seeds and such. For our Fall Unit, Tom and his dad have been organizing and identifying leaves, mounting them on paper (with plain old scotch tape) and labeling them. In a few days we'll punch holes and tie them together in a sort of nature journal (nowhere near as "high end" as a real Charlotte Mason Nature Journal, but close enough for jazz, I'm thinking).

We also did one of those old-fashioned crafts: gather lots of colorful leaves. Arrange them on wax paper. Put another piece of wax paper on top. Iron. Ta da - a beautiful "stained glass" art project!

Math: What School Did Wrong!

2007-10-22T18:07:00.000-04:00

One of our biggest public school frustrations had been in the area of math. We were absolutely certain that Tom could and should be moving forward much more quickly - but the teachers either wouldn't or couldn't do so. TouchMath had been a helpful tool for teaching some calculation (especially basic addition and subtraction), becaue it had him count "touchpoints" on each number and thus add and subtract without having to use his fingers.

But he had been doing double digit adding and subracting with and without carrying/borrowing for two solid years!

Finally, at the very end of fourth grade, his teacher started using our Touchmath materials with the whole class to work on "skip counting" (counting by 2s, 3s, etc.) as a prelude to multiplication. TouchMath also using skip counting by 5s and 10s to teach money and time concepts, so he had those sets of numbers pretty well memorized. But why wasn't he doing multiplication? Fractions? Measurement? Decimals? I was determined to push him forward.

I started out using some math sheets I generated and/or printed from sites like softschools.com and enchanted learning - and they worked well for certain types of problems. I quickly saw that he could do simple word problems (Joe has 6 apples. He gets two more. How many does he have in all?) without any prompting or visual tools (though he never had come home with word problems from school). And basic fractions were no problem at all: he could identify and even create representations of 1/3, 1/2, 2/3, etc.

But he was still having terrible problems with basic addition subtraction - because he'd forget all about carrying/borrowing. He didn't seem to grasp bigger/smaller beyond the number 10. And when I asked him to count by two's, he could do so only up to number 26. Then he pooped out.

Within a few weeks, I figured out the problem.

It seems that, in teaching Tom skip counting, his teachers used a chart and had him memorize 2, 4, 6, 8, etc. But they neglected to TELL him about the pattern he was forming. As a result, he could count by twos to 26 - but had no idea what came next. I used a number chart and a pencil, and we went through saying skip, 2 (put an X on the 2), skip, 4 (put an X on the four). We did the same thing for threes and fours and fives. He has NO trouble using the charts to multiply up to 100!

I ran into the same problem with bigger/smaller. He seemed to be guessing about bigger/smaller when the numbers got bigger than 10 - and I finally realized that no one had given him rules for deciding relative size of symbolic numbers (as opposed to piles of objects). I explained more digits means a higher number. If there are the same number of digits, compare the digits on the left. If they are the same, go on to the next pair. When you find a pair that don't match, compare them. The number with the highest digit is the biggest number.

He got it.

In short: being autistic, he didn't "see" patterns just because they were repeated. He needed to have the patterns explained. But once they were explained, he whizzed forward!

The down side of all this is that I am having to create my own worksheets at odd hours to let him practice all of this. But I'm hoping that, within the next couple of months, I'll be able to return to computer-generated worksheets - and even get online with Tom (so far he's not really very excited about computer games, but I think I can get him going...).

Whales.

2007-10-22T10:22:00.000-04:00

We started our Whales unit with a Scholastic teacher guide on the subject - created, by luck, by an organization in Provincetown called the Coastal Studies Center. We had actually visited there at one point, so had a very good idea of what they did. And even better: the whales we'd seen were the very same whales that they are involved in rescuing and studying.

We sat down those first few days and read the little paragraphs; put together the cut-and-fold books; and studied bar graphs that compared relative sizes of whales. This covered at least a little bit of reading, writing, science and math.

Meanwhile, I continued to research whales online. I wanted to find activities that integrated mapping and geography; history; biology; and writing. In the back of my mind, I had in mind a "capstone" project that would involve creation of a presentation poster on a particular whale of Tom's choice. I also knew that we would do at least one field trip: a visit to the New Bedford whaling museum.

At the same time, we were starting up a regular routine of reading fiction aloud (we're still not sure how good Tom is at reading to himself), practicing both clarinet and piano, and getting outside and into the natural world.

In fact, I have a feeling that our nature walks and reading are inching us into Charlotte Mason territory: she apparently believed strongly in both those things, though perhaps her choice of books wouldn't have included Magic Treehouse?! In any case, both of those elements have already become very integrated into our days.

Also included in each week, I hoped, would be library; speech therapy; "gym" (bowling, swimming, hiking); art projects; and some practice keyboarding. And of course math. And more!

Unit Studies... Eclectic Studies... Unschooling.... Oh My!

2007-10-18T19:34:00.000-04:00

In a bit of a panic, I plunged into homeschool research. I learned that there are "styles" of homeschooling -- and it seemed that we fit neatly into the "eclectic" style (which seems to mean a little of this and a little of that). Whew. It's nice to have a label for your style - makes you feel less lonely!

I had already decided to try "unit studies" (organizing content around an area of interest) because I had seen Tommy show interest in a variety of topics - and then NOT have a chance to delve deeply because the teacher moved on. So... unit studies. But what topics should we start with?

I reviewed the district's 5th grade curriculum carefully, and saw they were focusing a LOT of time on Massachusetts and 18th century US history. OK, fine, I could do that. I found a unit on Mass history at the AHEM.org (Mass homeschool organization) website... But it didn't sound like a ton of fun, so I thought we'd try parts of it out midyear after I had a better idea of how to modify it. we were DEFINITELY going to do a unit on trains (Peter had actually promised Tommy that we would build a garden railway for homeschool - much more on that later!) - but we just weren't ready to plunge into such a complex project. What else was out there?!

At the end of August, we went on a whalewatch trip to Stellwagen Banks off Cape Cod Bay. There were humpbacks galore... minke whales... even an Atlantic Right whale. Tom was enthralled. So was I. What better topic to start off our life on Cape Cod? So... whales it was, for a starter.

OK, whales. I started researching whales. There are dozens of whale sites. Over a dozen whale species. There are probably ten or more whale units online - not to mention the one I just happened to have in my files. There are whale stories, whale interactives, whale songs, whale myths, whale anatomy books, and there's Shamu the killer whale. There are whaling books, whaling museums, scrimshaw, Inuit art...

So what ABOUT whales? Which whales? How much was I trying to integrate into the unit? How long should the unit be? My head was spinning. Meanwhile, I had no clear idea of how to approach math... spelling... library skills... could I integrate it ALL? Peter suggested I start with Right Whales... but there wasn't enough just on them... or was there?!

About this time, Labor Day rolled around. Sara started public school. There was no more time to waste - and so we plunged in.

Day One involved a visit to Staples and creating a schedule (we use velcro and 3X5 cards). On the cards, Tom and I wrote things like "library," "math," "recess" and "science." We included enough math, reading, music and lunch cards for every day. And we set up a schedule for the week. Recess, I figured, could be a nature walk one day... swimming another day... bowling another... or maybe that was gym?

On Day Two we went to the library and borrowed Tom's very first chapter books (Magic Treehouse and an older English book called "The Worst Witch" which confirmed my certainty that JK Rowling ripped it all off from other writers!). I started scouring the web for math worksheets, and found a great resource at softschools.com.

And we started studying whales.

Yet More Homeschool Resources!!!

2007-10-17T11:44:00.000-04:00

Having joined a couple of Cape Cod and Massachusetts homeschool lists, I became aware that there is an ENORMOUS homeschool community out there - with an INCREDIBLE wealth of possible activities. In fact, WAY more than I knew what to do with.

In addition, Massachusetts has two full-scale homeschool support organizations, and a unique institution called the Family Resource Center. The Family Resource Center creates and signs up homeschoolers for programs of all sorts, run by and at local museums, aquariums, nature centers...

Then there's the local rec department - with inexpensive programs like soccer, sailing, basketball... and the local candlepin bowling league (Tom loves bowling)... and the local nature centers and beaches and harbors... and the environmental groups... conservatory and art classes... 4-H...

In short, we were not going to have to search far to find possibilities. The questions that remained, though, were - which were the "good" programs, and which could possibly be appropriate for a child with autism.

One thing I was clear on: neither Tommy nor I were ready to take on any multi-session, group-oriented programs just yet (outside of music). We needed to take it one step at a time, try out different types of activities without committing to any just yet... and besides, there were all these wonderful ideas we'd developed over time that we were just dying to try out...

But maybe it would be a good idea to just put something down on paper and get started?

Getting Started with Homeschool: Nearly Fall!

2007-10-15T20:52:00.000-04:00

By mid-August, I had written a very sketchy "homeschool plan" for our district, and gotten Tom signed up with a clarinet teacher and speech therapist.

He plays clarinet quite nicely (it was actually his idea, and someone gave us a clarinet) - though at age seven his idea of playing was to stuff toys in the bell. His incredibly sweet and patient teacher had recommended something called a "plateau clarinet," which is an ordinary clarinet with covers over most of the holes (like a flute or sax). This made playing less of a "can you cover the holes" project - and meant he could be more successful earlier on. His teacher also suggested that he start piano at the same time (he had tiny fingers).

The clarinet teacher seemed very solid, and not at all phased by an autistic student (so different from Philadelphia, where we were sent away from several schools with the admonition that no one would want to work with a student who wouldn't make adequate progress...). He recommended a piano teacher - and now we were in good shape.

The last piece of Tom's musical education would be some kind of ensemble opportunity - and it turned out that the school that he would have attended offered an afterschool jazz program. No auditions. It was for "more advanced" fifth and sixth graders, but I figured we'd give it a shot.

Last year, with our support, he played in fourth grade band - and did very well. The up side was that the music was a no brainer. The down side: when the nicest kids tried to greet him, he blew them off altogether - sometimes even saying "go away and leave me alone!"

We try to build on successes ...

Then, there were academics.

I knew about only two "autism appropriate" curricula: Lindamood Bell and Touchmath. Both are terribly expensive, and from what I'd learned about both, I felt I could make it up on my own based on basic info about the method. I read about Charlotte Mason, and again I liked some of what I saw - but couldn't quite figure out the reasoning behind dictation and some of the other curriculum elements... and not being a Christian, Bible wasn't of special interest.

So I had almost nothing in hand, and the fall about to start!

In Search of Help for a Homeschooler-to-Be

2007-10-15T09:46:00.000-04:00

One of the most frustrating aspects of being a parent with a child on the autism spectrum is that there is NO ONE out there who can really coach you, one on one. Virtually every practitioner worth their salt (that is, one who is not peddling snake oil!) seems to say "well, you just go out there and do the research. Figure out what you think works best for you and your child."

Uh huh. Sounds so easy, doesn't it? After all, there are only... what... five or six million autism websites... two thousand autism books... and fifty or sixty possible treatment options. No sweat.

But this time, I thought, there MUST be someone out there who I can turn to. Someone who knows special needs education AND has a handle on curricula. Someone who can tell me, based on some evaluation of Tommy, which curricula would be ideal. For example - he learns well by ear as well as by eye, but has a tough time focusing. So the right math curriculum for him would be...??

I looked around in Philadelphia but couldn't find anyone who seemed to put the pieces together. They could test him and tell me his deficits and strengths, but knew nothing about curricula. Or they'd be happy to tutor him for $100 an hour, but had no materials to share (or even sell). Or they knew lots about social skills training but nothing about academics.

Then I came across a book by social skills guru Rick LaVoie. I read the back cover, and it turned out he lived in Cape Cod. I sent him an email, and he sent me to an organization that specifically worked with homeschooling families of kids with LDs (learning disabilities) - right on the Cape! I contacted them, and set up a meeting.

We arrived on the Cape in mid-July, and before the end of the month I had Tommy in their offices. After a couple of hours of conversation and testing, I had my answers. In essence, they were "he's certainly a bright boy, with a lot of strengths. I'm sure you'll do well homeschooling him." Which curricula should I use? They didn't know. But I should do some research, and figure out... blah blah blah.

On the up side, they did recommend a terrific "speech and language" therapist right near our new home. I put "speech and language" in quotes because our therapist, like so many really good therapists, is interested more in communication and thinking skills than simply in the skill of putting words together correctly.

Building Confidence and Connections for Homeschooling

2007-10-13T15:47:00.000-04:00

Since we'd been thinking on and off about homeschool for years, we'd gotten an earful of anxiety from well-meaning relatives and friends. How could you give up your personal life? How could you make a living? How could you find the patience? Aren't homeschoolers mostly religious nuts? and, of course, How would you provide social opportunities for your son?!

For years, I'd listened closely to all these concerns, and taken them very seriously. But as I learned more about homeschooling, I realized that many of these well-meaning friends were either working from outdated information or flat out ignorant about homeschooling in the 21st century. Perhaps homeschooling really was a fringe way of life twenty years ago - but today things have changed.

I was still worried about my personal life and making a living. But as we came to terms with the idea that we WERE going to homeschool, we started "practicing" on weekends and afterschool. And it was a whole lot more fun than we'd imagined. We took family nature hikes and brought along binoculars and field guides. We pulled out the maps and spent time explaining just exactly where we were going. We tried a few science experiments in the creek and the back yard.

We even got involved with a local homeschool "resource center" built on the theories of "unschooler" John Holt. It was an educational experience - but not much of a fit for us. Not only are we not unschoolers by nature - but we couldn't imagine "unschooling" Tommy. A child with autism may be bright, creative, and even willing to try something new. But he's highly unlikely to just "unschool" himself into communication skills, social relationships, or much outside his comfort zone!

In November we stuffed a storage locker full of our "unnecessaries," and decluttered the house. In February our house went on the market. By April we were back on Cape Cod, house hunting. Now, I had a point of contact: a local homeschooler who I had discovered through a listserve, who was willing to drop by our one-week rental to say hello.

Planning Our Big Move

2007-10-11T10:04:00.000-04:00

By the end of last September, we knew that Tom couldn't stay in public school indefinitely - or he'd never make it through high school. How did we know, you may ask? Well... I made the statement at an IEP meeting that "if he doesn't learn multiplication in fourth grade, I don't see how he's going to make it through high school by the time he's 18!" The response was "why are you worrying about that?"

hm.

To be honest, I'm not as worried about the "18" as I am about the "high school." To me, the message was "he's not GOING to make it through high school, so why get your panties in a twist over it?!"

The truth was, given the kind of education he was getting, she was quite right. He'd never make it through high school.

In October, Peter and I left the kids with his parents and took a weekend up in Boston. We went to an About.com video conference. Why video? We had just launched our own new business. The original idea was to produce products for people on the autism spectrum - and we still wanted to do that. But what if Peter could expand the business to do enough video to be truly self-employed? That would mean we could leave Pennsylvania... maybe for Cape Cod!

After the conference, we stopped off in our soon-to-be (we hoped) hometown and looked at some properties. On the way home, we made our decision: we'd put the house on the market ASAP, and we'd outta there before the beginning of the next school year.

And between then and the following fall, we'd be ready to start homeschooling Tom.

The moment I got home, I rushed to the computer and started looking up "homeschool" and "Cape Cod."

Time?! Who's Got Time to Homeschool?!

2007-10-10T17:38:00.000-04:00

Last fall, Tom started fourth grade. He was in a county program: a special autism support classroom based in a school where there happened to be enough space available. Fortunately, the classroom was in a perfectly nice school, not too far away... his teacher was very pleasant... and Tom continued to stagnate academically.

Were we ready to make the leap to homeschooling?

In theory, we should have been the perfect family to take on homeschooling. Both of us have educational experience. Neither of us have office jobs: I freelance, and Peter (up until a year and a half ago) was a professor working just three days a week outside of our home. So... why not homeschool?!

So far as we were concerned, there was just no way... no time... and we already felt overwhelmed. What with Tom's therapies, a second child, parents with their own needs, a house to run, and - oh yeah - a living to be made, we just couldn't see our way clear to taking on homeschool. Especially with all those onerous Pennsylvania rules and regs. I mean really, if you still have to jump through all the same hoops, why bother?!

So we decided to stick it out for another year, and we kept fighting for a better educational program. I actually purchased a math curriculum (Touchmath)and handed it to Tommy's teacher. We brought in hands-on science activities for the class. He still didn't really move forward, but at least the curriculum was appropriate!

Meanwhile, I kept learning more about homeschooling, and thinking harder and harder about how much easier Tom's education would be if I could just take my marbles and go home! But homeschooling in Pennsylvania... what a project!

But wait - maybe there was a way out! Maybe we could move to a homeschool-friendlier state. A state where we both had emotional connections. A state where we could continue to make a living. A state where we could live just minutes from the beach. A state like oh, say, Massachusetts - and a beach in oh, say, Cape Cod...

We started planning.

Pre-Homeschool Jitters

2007-10-10T09:28:00.000-04:00

In the Philadelphia area, homeschooling in general is somewhat unusual and very tough: the state has so many requirements that many people are scared off. Including me, to be honest. Homeschoolers have to have their children take the same state tests as everyone else... they have to be evaluated by an outside "educational expert"... they have to follow the state guidelines almost precisely... with so many issues, I thought maybe private school would be a better choice.

So I looked into options.

Philadelphia has about 4 million private schools. Many are designated "special needs." Virtually NONE of those "special needs" schools would accept Tommy - with the exception of "autism only" schools. Since Tom doesn't really "need" a private placement, we would have had to pay for private school - and the autism-only schools START at about $40,000. What a deal. And even then, we felt, our problems wouldn't be solved: he'd still be dealing with all of the ups and downs of a sequestered life.

I thought about starting a school. Together with a few other parents, I did research, visited model schools, and started to put together a non-profit and a program. But our philosophies suddenly diverged.

I believed (still do!) that paying over a hundred dollars an hour for a therapist is unnecessary: it's perfectly possible to hire a therapist to create a program and then hire energetic, talented college students to actually implement the program. In fact - I've often found that energetic young people do MORE for Tommy than do highly paid, highly qualified therapists. The other parents disagreed.

I felt that the costs of our program should be kept low; they felt that highly-paid therapists were the key to success.

Long story short, we never started up that school. And I was back to researching homeschool.

Luckily for me, I met a woman named Marisol who homeschools her daughters in Philadelpha. Her older daughter has an Aspergers diagnosis, and so Marisol has been connected to what turns out to be an active autism homeschool community for many years. Through my local friend, I learned about Tammy Glaser and the Aut-2-B-Home listserve.

Tammy has been sharing her experiences and expertise with the community for many years - and has so much information to impart that it's almost overwhelming. I joined the listserve, and within one week had read over 200 posts on everything from supplements to reading programs to sensory issues and homeschooling!

It was too much! For the time being, I unsubscribed, and went back to my research.

Before We Started

2007-10-09T16:50:00.000-04:00

I started researching homeschool waaay back when - long before we got serious about the idea, but long after I started to become frustrated with Tommy's public education. I wrote articles; talked to friends; read books... but because I do a good deal of curriculum development for clients (and my husband Peter is a professional museum and university educator), I didn't spend much time looking at specific curricula.

I figured that, if I ever really DID start homeschooling, I should be able to make it up as I went along, creating Tommy-oriented unit studies, worksheets, activities, and so forth. After all, I've got this great imagination - and if I can do it for Scholastic, surely I can do it for Tommy, right?!

I already had some great ideas: I wanted to make music, one of his strengths, a major focus of his education. I wanted to use his interest in storytelling as a jumping-off place for writing. I wanted to build science and map-reading/geography into everything. I wanted to get into "real," significant activities.

Now, I start to wonder how many of these awesome ideas were for him... and how many were for me...!

Picking Up the Pieces

2007-10-08T14:15:00.001-04:00

One of our biggest gripes with the public school system has been their low level of expectation for our son.

If he could read at all... add at all... write a few words... that seemed sufficient to them. They refused point blank to include any academics outside of the three "R's" in his IEP - even those skills which WOULD be tested when it came time to take the state-mandated tests.

By age ten, with NO reading disabilities, he had never read a chapter book. Never completed a proper book report. Never done a library search for a secondary source. Never built a diorama. Never read a map. Never read about local, national or international history (except on a single worksheet).

He had "learned" basic time telling, change counting, and double digit adding and subtracting - but he didn't seem to really get much of what he'd learned. And he had barely touched measurement, graphing, geometry, fractions, multiplication or any kind of logic puzzle.

In theory, this was perfectly reasonable because... Tommy was autistic. He didn't do well in a typical classroom.

For three years, he had been in a county-managed "autism support" class in a typical elementary school.

It was a nice class of kids at about his level of development (most with Asperger syndrome). Some had "hehaviors." All had social/communications issues. It was a nice school, too - in a very nice district. The class had 1 adult for every three children. In theory - the perfect place!

And in his nice class in his nice school, Tom had been learning "social skills;" taking "adaptive gym;" and generally working at about 50% of his competency level. While his typical peers were off to museums and historic sites, his so-called field trips were to the grocery store and McDonald's. Evidently he was to learn "life skills" in his "high functioning autism" class.

Did we fight for better options? We did. We tried to get supported inclusion, but Tom didn't really cooperate - and of course the general ed teacher was not expected to adapt to Tom - so that was that. We tried to get reverse inclusion groups at recess and lunch. But schedules - apparently - made such groups impossible. We worked for more academic content, coming to IEP meetings armed with state guidelines and legal materials. We created our own feedback form, so we could be sure to know what was going on from day to day. We even provided our own 1:1 support so that our son, an accomplished clarinetist, could be included in band (which met before school once a week).

All along the way, we met with marshmallow-like resistance: we rarely heard the word "no." Instead, we'd hear "we'll look into it;" "we'll give it a try;" "Let's see how it goes." Then we'd hear nothing. We'd ask for meetings. They'd get postponed. We'd ask whether Tom had been escorted to his once-a-week clarinet lesson at school, and would learn that the class had been "too busy."

At no point was the resistance - or the problem - concrete enough to warrant legal action. At no point could we show "no progress." In no way could we suggest that Tom was not grouped with his peers.

All we knew was that Tom was not learning at anything like his real potential - and at the rate he was going, he could expect to make it to about 6th grade by the time he left high school.

Teaching Tommy: The Journey Begins

2007-10-07T20:42:00.000-04:00

We moved from Philadelphia to Cape Cod this summer. We wanted to move; we wanted to live near the sea; we wanted a different life. But the central reason for the move was this: a better place to homeschool our older child, our son, Tom.

Tom is now 11 years old. When he was three, he was diagnosed with "pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified" (PDD-NOS). Otherwise known as high functioning autism. So from the time he was three (actually younger), Tom has been labelled, slotted, pigeon-holed and "specially educated."

Now, Tom is being homeschooled.

Up until now, school has been a bit of a disaster for Tommy. Booted from daycare, kicked out of preschool, and required to have a 1:1 aide just to be included with "typical" 5 year olds at a private preschool (our third, and NOT our first choice), you'd think he was a walking disaster area.

He's not. In fact, he's a delightful kid - bright, verbal, funny, creative. But from his "public record," you'd never know it.

His first "boot" out the door was for standing in front of a mirror with objects in his two hands- and saying too little. The second was for throwing a sweater at a teacher (at age 3). By the time he entered kindergarten, we had already been through two IEP's - as well as several 1:1 aides and a slew of therapists. By the time he finished third grade, he was already more than a year behind his peers - which everyone seemed to think was perfectly reasonable.

It was then we decided to homeschool.

Now, two years later, we've finally worked out the details and gotten started. It's October, and already we know we made the right choice! But what will work - what won't - and why - will be the subject of this blog.